A young woman just wrote a book of this title. Her name is Marianne Eloise. When I saw the title of her book sitting on my local library's "new" bookshelf, I had to pick it up. I am not going to say anything here about her book. I am merely going encourage you to read it. It is a first-hand account of what it is like to struggle with a "thought life" that is more agonizing than productive. Obsessive Intrusive Magical Thinking by Marianne Eloise can be ordered from your local library (free service).
So, what about obsessive intrusive magical thinking? What is it like to "think" that way?
Imagine waking up this morning and that still small voice (or thought!) inside your head starts hammering away at you: "Hello freak." "Why are you here?" "Kill yourself today and do the world a favor." "Are you going to eat that for breakfast?" "Are you really going to eat that you pig!" "You obviously don't care if you are a fat freak eh?" Am I being unduly negative? No, not at all. What voice/thought inside our own head is going to communicate messages such as "You are a GREAT human!" "I am SO glad you exist!" "Wow, what wonderful things you will accomplish today!" Give me a break. Ask anyone who has struggled with obsessive and intrusive thinking....and you will find that the messages coming out of one's own mind are primarily negative in nature!
That's the first thing to remember. This is where the magical thinking comes in. Depending on the person, magical thinking can also be primarily negative in nature (because it involves the combination of imagined fear plus worry combined!)...or positive. Unfortunately, any "positive" thoughts will typically involve grandiose delusional beliefs that are not based in real life and right now reality. Think Alex Jones. Think Q-Anon. Think anybody who believes they have it all "figured out" for the benefit of the rest of us. Delusional beliefs still are fictional-based versions of reality after all! Without evidence, without facts, it's all a bunch of bullsh**.
I know someone who is actively delusional (NOT a client past or present by the way!). However, she is also bipolar and smokes a lot of weed on a daily basis. She confabulates reality on a regular basis, which means she just makes stuff up and then expects everyone to believe her, because she said it. As she is currently pushing 60 years old, she's had MANY years to define herself and her life based on her various and assorted delusions of grandeur. She believes every man in her presence "wants" her sexually. In truth, she presents like a step-up from a homeless person, unpleasant smells and all. Delusions of grandeur are nobody's friend, but yet this is what we in our field refer to as "psychotic thinking", because it is!
Others who struggle with this issue of a grandiose, confusing, and/or frightening thought life and who also abuse alcohol and/or other drugs in an attempt to tame the beast within their own minds? That never works to create beneficial outcomes. Period. It only exacerbates the problem by creating "new" delusional beliefs and imagined catastrophic and/or grandiose fictional scenarios be them from the past, present, or future. "Yes, I dated Angelina Jolie before she became famous. She was my neighbor in France.." Pfft!
I remember a client many years ago who saw me when she was obsessed by the way she had treated two kids she babysat as a teenager. She was also, at that time, in her early 30s and her husband was pressuring her to start a family. She came in to see me lamenting about how she "ruined" the lives of her former charges....and she was wondering if she should try looking for them to write a letter apologizing for her inappropriate behaviors. When I eventually asked her for the details of "what happened" and exactly "who" these kids were and how she knew them....she went blank. She literally could not remember their names, their ages at the time, where they lived in relation to her family home, or "what happened" other than she yelled at them a lot when they misbehaved in her presence. Really? Yes, really!
After working together for a while, it became apparent that this young woman needed help in breaking her own pattern of "I think it, therefore it is absoutely true." So we did our work. Years later, she contacted me to report she had gotten divorced from her first husband and was currently married to someone and had two children with him. She claimed to be free of her past obsessive and intrusive thinking. I will never forget what she told me in regards to that. She said "Maybe I just didn't want kids with my first husband but didn't know how else to stop it from happening." I don't disagree. We are capable of most anything when we don't know what else to do when we feel chronically "stuck" or "lost" in our own lives....
Until next post...