Our culture is becoming more and more disconnected from itself. We pop off at even the smallest real or imagined transgression. We make mountains out of molehills...and yet make molehills out of legitimate mountains. What this means is that we freak out over the stupid stuff of life....but then remain unconcerned when our own legit problems and/or potential opportunities reach a point of no return---in a bad way! How do you think this whole "adulting" thing became a thing? People believe they have all the time in the world to pursue and work on "adult" responsibilities that, in fact, they keep putting off or start-stopping until they are literally too old to achieve them! Or dead. We can't forget that death stops any plan(s) from coming to fruition, that's for sure!
When I was 19/20, I supplemented my income by working as a weekend bartender in a country western bar in Inkster, MI. By day, I was a legal secretary at the #1 law firm during that era operating out of downtown Detroit. I really didn't know how to bartend, but I convinced the owner of that bar to hire me anyway, which he did. The very first time I made him a drink, which was a "tall salty dog"...I knew nothing of what that even meant. A sympathetic customer whispered the ingredients to me and told me how to make it. Whew.
Except when I made my boss's drink, I got the proportions wrong. I only topped the drink with grapefruit juice...and the rest was straight vodka. After he drank it, he told me that was the best salty dog anyone ever made him. I learned. Not exactly the right lesson, but I did learn. That same night as he came up from the basement to refill the ice bin behind the bar...he walked into the door and bloodied his nose. I don't wonder how or why that happened. Shame on me for not realizing how I contributed to "that" issue; shame on him for owning a business that fueled his own addiction.
That job taught me a lot about people as so-called "adults". Remember, I was barely 20 years old---yet the bulk of my customers were at least twice my age. And, unfortunately, all of my "regulars" on the weekends were, in fact, alcoholics. Back then, nobody thought about someone drinking all day and then getting into their car to drive wherever afterwards. As long as they could get up off the bar stool and walk out the door without wavering...it was all good. How foolish anyone in the bar business was at that time! There was no M.A.D.D. groups back then; everyone presumed that if you drank and drove---so did a lot of other people! Just don't get caught. I lasted in that job about a year before I quit. I just couldn't take witnessing all that dysfunction anymore. It was literally too much for me. Everyone (and I do mean everyone!) from my regular customers are dead now, including the owner who hired me. The building itself still stands...yet I am grateful that those walls cannot speak. It was very difficult to watch people in real time ruining their own lives because their addiction to alcohol was more important to them than anything or anybody else, including themselves! I won't lie though; I made great tips. However, at 20 years old, you better believe I wasn't thinking what was being sacrificed in my customers' family systems so I could walk out each night with over $100 in tips!
Isn't that the way it is these days as well with certain "habits" that we have picked up....yet still don't realize aren't exactly going to get us anywhere good over time? For example, if you spend 3-8 hours a day on "something"...be it something you are constantly thinking about---and/or something you are constantly doing (by your own choice!) outside of your real-life "job"---you meet the diagnostic criteria for any one of several mental health disorders. Well, it makes logical sense, doesn't it? Who thinks about or does anything on average of four hours a day unless they are obsessive, addicted, and/or dysmorphic? Hello! This isn't rocket science people! Sometimes, we have to clear the cobwebs here and see what's what even though we'd prefer not to.
After all, life was meant to be lived in "balance" with all of our other personal responsibilities...not merely being obsessively attached to only those things we "feel" like thinking about or doing in any given moment/day/week/month or year! If this is a problem for you, your executive functioning may be the "real" issue--barring a traumatic brain injury or other cognitive-based impairment. Get checked out for ADHD. I just had someone tell me the other night that she "knew" she had attention and distraction-related issues all of her life...but never did anything about it. Until just recently. Good for her. Take responsibility for yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you. You do it for you!
Kids obsessed with their phone become adults still obsessed with their phone. Kids who eat too much and become obese later become adults who eat too much and become morbidly obese. Kids who vape tobacco and/or weed regularly become adults who...can't breathe and develop severe lung issues over time.
Will we ever learn that adulting really is good for us? Some do. Some don't. Don't be one of the ones who don't.
That's all. A short post for once in my professional life!
Until next time....