Well, it's that time of year again! 2023 is right around the corner! When you look back at this past year...what were the important lessons presented to you? Have you thought about this at all? If not, you are missing out on an excellent series of opportunities to apply what you have learned from this past year---to your brand new year ahead. If you doubt the importance of what I am suggesting here, let's take a look at some of what others have learned by recognizing both the mistakes made, and lessons learned, from their own past experience(s)....
"I never realized until this past year how my father is a coward. He knew my mother was not a good one; we kept telling him all our lives what she did to us when he wasn't home. Now it's becoming abundantly clear that he didn't care about how her abuse affected us. He just wanted to make sure she wouldn't get upset with him---or leave him. He sacrificed his own kids' well being so he wouldn't be in trouble with her. How tragic!"
"It took me twelve years with a "wounded" boyfriend to figure out that I have been doing the majority of the work to make sure "we" are o.k. He's always too depressed, too anxious, too unsure about his future direction...while I'm working my a** off to keep our financial heads above water. Wow. How dumb have I been? Well, I'm moving on finally. Better late than never. I'm heartbroken, but I need an equal enough partner...not just a "nice guy" who tells me how he can't imagine his own life without me!"
"My child was always difficult. He tried to attack his aunt's dog when he was just three years old. I ignored his behavior then. Wanted to believe he was just "troubled" a bit, but that he would grow out of it. After his mother and I divorced a few years later, he didn't improve. Then he got angry about most anything I asked him to do when I had him. Now that he's 18, he's struggled with drugs, alcohol, and the wrong crowd for the past few years. I see now how I just wanted everything to be "easy" and thought sports would be his way out of his troubles. It wasn't."
"I have been that person who was always willing to give to others, without thinking first. I have made a doormat out of myself because I so desperately wanted people to like me...and accept me. All that came out of my efforts is that I feel very resentful and bitter towards those who took the most from me, without reciprocating in return. I'm focusing big time on self-care this new year. I have learned that all that "helping" I did was really for the purpose of making myself feel good and having a sense of control over someone else's life! How crazy was I to believe all that garbage?"
"I kept fooling myself about my drinking. I would do "Dry January" every year...only to get back to "Loaded February-December" AS IF that made me just a social drinker. It wasn't until I took a good look around my own house that I realized the level of denial I've been in. Even my favorite wine glasses can hold a whole bottle of wine! So this January, I am purposing to attend an AA meeting every time I want to drink. I may be going every night at first, but I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm an alcoholic...and now I finally see how it's affected me and my life not in a good way..."
"My brother, who I always considered my best friend, is a manipulative liar. I even stopped myself from getting close to other guys as friends...because I didn't want to disturb the dynamic between my brother and myself. He has always said to me, "I'm the only one who will be there for you..", when in fact, he has NOT. This is the year I am going to be establishing some very clear boundaries with him, which begins with him returning the key to my house that he's had for way too long..."
"I have a chronic medical condition that my family has consistently downplayed and minimized. Even my doctors have said that their attitude isn't helping me stay on track with my own treatment. I denied this for a long time, but now I see the truth of what my doctors have kept telling me. When I am with my family, I do not eat propertly---I don't pace myself as I should--and I definitely don't know how to manage any incoming stress in their presence. So...I am learning how I need to create some distance between us until I can manage myself better when we are together."
"My wife left me for my best friend. I ignored all the signs of what was building between them. I realize now that everything she told me about me...was pretty spot on. I am remote. I am distant. I am very uncomfortable with expressing myself and my deeper feelings. I hate that this had to happen in order for me to finally get myself some therapy. But that's what I will be doing in 2023. I have to fix me. It's not anybody else's responsibility but my own."
"My alimony ends at the end of 2023. I still haven't figured out what I am going to "do" career wise, and I have been fighting doing the work to see what my real options are. I am afraid I am too old and too irrelevant to really be hired by any organization that can meet my salary requirements. I know I have to get myself together here...so I know this is the year I have to start somewhere by basically getting a job where I am working 8-9 hours a day instead of just doing a bunch of nothing day in and day out."
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It isn't always easy to face what we would rather not face. But it is definitely worse when we keep avoiding that which is uncomfortable or undesirable for us to take a good hard and objective look at. Let this be the year where we can look back at our past, and learn what we need to from what happened to us---or those we love and care about. THEN...do our work so we can solve our own problem(s) by our own effort(s)! Nobody gets better by just staying the same...waiting for someone "else" to fix, save, or rescue them....or doing nothing new and different to proactively improve the quality of their own lives. When we do nothing, we don't remain "status quo". In fact, we get and become worse over time. Don't let this be your story as 2023 comes to a close same time, next year!
After all, if nothing changes---then nothing changes!
Until next post....