I watched a movie the other night where the defendant, inside the courtroom, asked the judge "What's my punishment" after he was convicted of his alleged crime(s). The judge responded to him by saying, "You are your own punishment." Yep, it can be like that. When being ourselves is its own worse punishment, we are no doubt living in the poop we ourselves created---and up to our own eyeballs....
How do we know when we are functioning as our own worst punishment? The answer is not as complicated as it may initially appear. Let's start with one of the most common and "basic" issues: do you get at least 7 hours of sleep each night? If you don't, this represents problem #1 in your life. Without getting enough sleep during each 24 hour period, we set ourselves up for all sorts of drama when we do NOT address this issue IN AN APPROPRIATE AND TIMELY MANNER. What does that mean? It means you don't start drinking alcohol or smoking weed or popping anti-anxiety medication(s) to "quickly" fall asleep at night. Nope. Not a good plan.
As basic as "sleep issues" are for so many people in this country of all ages, I am consistently astounded at how easy it is to "treat" our own chronic insomnia with everything BUT what's right. If you have never heard of the term "sleep hygiene" before...this is where you can start to help yourself in a more proper manner. Nobody can fall asleep or stay asleep if they go to sleep one night at 8PM and another night at 2:30AM (lack of a "sleep time routine"), are leaving their television or music on, screwing around on their phones up until they just "drop off" and actually believe they've fallen asleep. And take off your clothes for God's sake and your makeup if you wear any before you go to bed for the night. Take out your contacts; brush your teeth. Pursue the "night night" ritual(s) that help your cause rather than confound it! You weren't raised in a barn or on the street were you? Put on your pjs or nightgown and truly "get ready for bed" before you get into it! What does your bedroom smell like? If you can smell anything that you find offensive, guess what? Change it! Lavender is one of nature's sleep-inducing plants. Did you know that? There are others as well. Aromatherapy when it comes to sleep can work, especially if your bedroom smells in any way unpleasant. (No, I am not going there thank you very much---but I will say don't have your dirty clothes hamper right next to you on the floor o.k.?!)
If the room you sleep in isn't dark enough for you; if the room temperature is too cold or too hot---these are another couple of factors that can impact your ability to fall or stay asleep. Is your bed's mattress "good" for you? How many of us sleep on mattresses that were "inherited" by other family members or friends? This isn't a good plan if you truly require a firmer mattress (as one example!), but what you got is a sinkhole that's tilted to one side besides! Is it too noisy outside your bedroom door or window? That's what noise cancelling or sound machines are for. If you want to listen to the ocean instead of the traffic outside...hello! Do it! Are you catching my drift here? We need to pay full attention to the details associated to that space where we sleep each night---and do what's necessary to make it calm, relaxed, and sleep-friendly. Don't eat or drink in bed right before bedtime either. Don't try sleeping with the "lights on". And we haven't even gotten into the details yet associated with what you typically eat, drink, or otherwise ingest (like stimulant-based medications or caffeine!) that could be keeping you up at all hours...
Even though I realize I went a bit overboard here with this example on how we may punish ourselves just over the issue of "sleep"....I hope you are beginning to see how functioning within the context of our own higher-quality life takes WORK and doesn't just happen by magic. And we are the ones who have to take responsibility for that "work" because it IS our own work to do! Every single day...and every single night!
When we are addicted to our own bad habits, how is that NOT punishing ourselves because we aren't replacing them with righter and less-harmful habits? Listen, I get it. I know it's easier to be less responsible for ourselves in certain areas of our life than it is others. But even with that logic, why live in such a lopsided life by being over-responsible in one area---and then under-responsible in another, just as important, area?
I mean you may be great at your job...but if your romantic life blows, how's that supposed to be acceptable to you or anybody else? You CAN have a good enough work life, private and social life, health and wellness-based life, spiritual life, and emotional/mental/psychological life in spite of what you've been doing to yourself up to now. If you truly believe that's impossible for whatever reason(s)...now it's time to call the professionals (someone like myself) to help you figure out why you are allowing your own thinking in certain areas of your functioning to take you down. And of course, to turn that thinking around so you stop hurting yourself by your own choices.
Without achieving and maintaining stability from the inside out, we will get and be in trouble. If we are diagnosed with a mood or personality disorder, we need to do the work to treat these things successfully without conveniently "forgetting" beginning on Friday night as we drink, drug, and/or eat the weekend away. This is especially true if we are prescribed psychotropic medication and told, by our prescribing physician, that the intake of alcohol, drugs, and/or certain foods will mess with the medication's ability to work effectively in our brain/body. Not to mention how mixing meds with the wrong things can cause a medical emergency and/or a worse and unexpected physiological-based outcome. As in "Oops, he stopped breathing!" Don't let that happen. That's really dumb.
Taking the best care of Y-O-U in the N-O-W begins today. You aren't a helpless infant anymore. You are fully grown. If you need help, get it from the right source(s). A therapist, a support group, a 12-step recovery group, educating yourself through reading about your specific issue/problem, talking to your doctor...these are just some of things you can do to stop punishing yourself as you have been.
Until next post...
How do we know when we are functioning as our own worst punishment? The answer is not as complicated as it may initially appear. Let's start with one of the most common and "basic" issues: do you get at least 7 hours of sleep each night? If you don't, this represents problem #1 in your life. Without getting enough sleep during each 24 hour period, we set ourselves up for all sorts of drama when we do NOT address this issue IN AN APPROPRIATE AND TIMELY MANNER. What does that mean? It means you don't start drinking alcohol or smoking weed or popping anti-anxiety medication(s) to "quickly" fall asleep at night. Nope. Not a good plan.
As basic as "sleep issues" are for so many people in this country of all ages, I am consistently astounded at how easy it is to "treat" our own chronic insomnia with everything BUT what's right. If you have never heard of the term "sleep hygiene" before...this is where you can start to help yourself in a more proper manner. Nobody can fall asleep or stay asleep if they go to sleep one night at 8PM and another night at 2:30AM (lack of a "sleep time routine"), are leaving their television or music on, screwing around on their phones up until they just "drop off" and actually believe they've fallen asleep. And take off your clothes for God's sake and your makeup if you wear any before you go to bed for the night. Take out your contacts; brush your teeth. Pursue the "night night" ritual(s) that help your cause rather than confound it! You weren't raised in a barn or on the street were you? Put on your pjs or nightgown and truly "get ready for bed" before you get into it! What does your bedroom smell like? If you can smell anything that you find offensive, guess what? Change it! Lavender is one of nature's sleep-inducing plants. Did you know that? There are others as well. Aromatherapy when it comes to sleep can work, especially if your bedroom smells in any way unpleasant. (No, I am not going there thank you very much---but I will say don't have your dirty clothes hamper right next to you on the floor o.k.?!)
If the room you sleep in isn't dark enough for you; if the room temperature is too cold or too hot---these are another couple of factors that can impact your ability to fall or stay asleep. Is your bed's mattress "good" for you? How many of us sleep on mattresses that were "inherited" by other family members or friends? This isn't a good plan if you truly require a firmer mattress (as one example!), but what you got is a sinkhole that's tilted to one side besides! Is it too noisy outside your bedroom door or window? That's what noise cancelling or sound machines are for. If you want to listen to the ocean instead of the traffic outside...hello! Do it! Are you catching my drift here? We need to pay full attention to the details associated to that space where we sleep each night---and do what's necessary to make it calm, relaxed, and sleep-friendly. Don't eat or drink in bed right before bedtime either. Don't try sleeping with the "lights on". And we haven't even gotten into the details yet associated with what you typically eat, drink, or otherwise ingest (like stimulant-based medications or caffeine!) that could be keeping you up at all hours...
Even though I realize I went a bit overboard here with this example on how we may punish ourselves just over the issue of "sleep"....I hope you are beginning to see how functioning within the context of our own higher-quality life takes WORK and doesn't just happen by magic. And we are the ones who have to take responsibility for that "work" because it IS our own work to do! Every single day...and every single night!
When we are addicted to our own bad habits, how is that NOT punishing ourselves because we aren't replacing them with righter and less-harmful habits? Listen, I get it. I know it's easier to be less responsible for ourselves in certain areas of our life than it is others. But even with that logic, why live in such a lopsided life by being over-responsible in one area---and then under-responsible in another, just as important, area?
I mean you may be great at your job...but if your romantic life blows, how's that supposed to be acceptable to you or anybody else? You CAN have a good enough work life, private and social life, health and wellness-based life, spiritual life, and emotional/mental/psychological life in spite of what you've been doing to yourself up to now. If you truly believe that's impossible for whatever reason(s)...now it's time to call the professionals (someone like myself) to help you figure out why you are allowing your own thinking in certain areas of your functioning to take you down. And of course, to turn that thinking around so you stop hurting yourself by your own choices.
Without achieving and maintaining stability from the inside out, we will get and be in trouble. If we are diagnosed with a mood or personality disorder, we need to do the work to treat these things successfully without conveniently "forgetting" beginning on Friday night as we drink, drug, and/or eat the weekend away. This is especially true if we are prescribed psychotropic medication and told, by our prescribing physician, that the intake of alcohol, drugs, and/or certain foods will mess with the medication's ability to work effectively in our brain/body. Not to mention how mixing meds with the wrong things can cause a medical emergency and/or a worse and unexpected physiological-based outcome. As in "Oops, he stopped breathing!" Don't let that happen. That's really dumb.
Taking the best care of Y-O-U in the N-O-W begins today. You aren't a helpless infant anymore. You are fully grown. If you need help, get it from the right source(s). A therapist, a support group, a 12-step recovery group, educating yourself through reading about your specific issue/problem, talking to your doctor...these are just some of things you can do to stop punishing yourself as you have been.
Until next post...