When confronting someone about what you need from them, based on what they have specifically said or done....
When you..........I feel........because......so I need......... (That's one way to say it)
I need......because........when you........I feel................ (That's another way to say it)
I feel........when you.......because......I need................. (And there's a third way to say it)
Next, when you are offended by someone (and you then feel AFRAID, MAD, and/or CONFUSED):
"Can you explain to me what you mean by that?"
"I hear your words, but I need you to tell me what you mean."
"Why did you say that just now?"
"What is your point if you don't mind me asking..."
"Why?"
"Can you tell me why you chose to say/do that in this moment?"
"Help me understand here what you mean by having said/done that just now."
Third, when someone is talking "at" you with their incessant beliefs, attitudes, opinions:
"That's an interesting viewpoint; something definitely worth thinking about."
"Your opinion is very interesting....do you mind telling me how you arrived at it?"
"Well, you certainly know your own opinion; as for me, I have my own on that topic."
"Isn't America great? The one place we all can have our own opinion on any topic!"
Next, when someone keeps repeating themselves to you about any topic and/or need they have:
"I hear and understand what you are saying; you (repeat back what person has said)." Is there something more that you want me to know on this issue that you haven't already said?"
"I feel like you aren't sure that I understand what you are saying, but believe me, I do. You said (repeat back what person has said). Correct?"
"I understand what you are asking for, but I need time to think about it and will let you know later."
"I feel as if you are trying to convice me about something that I haven't had the chance to think about on my own. So, give me the time to think about it...and I'll get back with you with my response."
"I understand completely what you are asking for. Please give me the time to decide what I want to do as a result. I will get back with you when I know."
Last, when someone is blatantly abusive towards you (verbally):
"It's clear that you are having a bad time right now for whatever reason; we can discuss this later."
"When you can speak to me without yelling or screaming, I'm sure I will be able to listen to you much better."
"If I said or did anything to offend you, now would be a good time to tell me without yelling or screaming please."
"Last time I checked, we didn't have this type of relationship. So could you stop, think, and consider what you really want to say to me before you continue any further with this verbal tirade?"
"It's not my fault that you're having a bad time right now. I'd like to help you, but I can't if you are going to continue yelling and carrying on like this."
So---there you have it. These are my own "responses" to various "clogs" that can occur in the communication pipeline between yourself and.....??? Whomever! These assertive responses are meant to help you FACE whatever "uncomfortable" encounters you have with others in an appropriate and timely manner. Everyone has to start somewhere. Maybe this will be your day...
