I have always been one of those therapists who recommends movies to my clients on a periodic basis. Often, there is no better way to bring a point (or two!) home than through a movie that addresses the same subject/topic/issue/problem that my client(s) face(es).
Just recently, I re-watched "Shopgirl" which was a movie based on a novella written by Steve Martin (the comedian who used to regularly appear on Saturday Night Live a 100 years ago). Starring Martin and Claire Danes, I added it to my list of recommended movies for clients. Why? In this movie, the story line revolves around the subject of "objectification" and what that looks like when people are dating and/or become involved with each other. At one point in the movie, Jason Schwartzman's character reads aloud from a self-help book when he tells Danes' character over the phone that he will try to stop treating her like an object and more like the human being (and equal) she really is.
In all my years of practice, this "objectification" issue is often overlooked by clients who are living it up close and personal in their own lives. Many times, I am asked "What do you mean I treat myself and others like objects!?" O.K. Let's go there. Right now.
When you were a little kid, what was your favorite thing to grab onto and play with when you were any of the following: (1) sad, (2) bored, (3) restless, (4) anxious, (5) happy, (6) tired, (7) lonely, (8) excited, and/or (9) angry? Did I miss any feelings there? If so, feel free to think about them too in this moment.
Now...think about your answer(s) to the above-stated question. Some little kids grabbed onto a doll. Others grabbed onto a favorite stuffed animal. This list would only be limited by your imagination. Regardless if you grabbed some kind of toy or other "object" to make yourself feel "better" quickly...you may have instead chosen to grab something edible (or inedible) like candy, cookies, paste, mud...whatever! Or you may have chosen to grab onto another little kid. Like your brother or sister or the kid next door. After all, what do little kids know about the real difference(s) between objects as distractions/playthings or people as distractions/playthings? Not much.
Imagine now Victorian England in the late 19th century. There was one prostitute walking the streets for every 12 men back then. Oh geez. Think we see a trend here? One female "object" for every 12 men who wanted someone to play with or be distracted by in order to feel better fast. Are you catching my drift here? As Sherlock Holmes might say, "By jove Watson, I think you've got it!"
When we treat others like objects, we really don't care what they think.....what they feel...what their dreams are...what their sorrows have been. None of that matters. We just want to either play with them or have them play with us (however you define that!) when we feel like it. That's all. If they become boring, we can drop them like hot potatoes and find another someone (object!) to take their place. It's no big deal. Or so we believe.
When we treat ourselves like objects, a lot of our life becomes about maintaining the image or facade that'll keep us "relevant" to our fellow object seekers. Using my Victorian England example, who wants to play with a fat old hag who's past it when there's a 20-something hottie right around the next street corner? See what I mean? Either way, it's a lose-lose proposition. Treating others like objects and/or treating ourselves like objects only, in the end, leads to rivers of tears and regret.
It doesn't require a degree in sociology to understand that overcoming this otherwise very bad habit begins by understanding how we, as human beings, HAVE all been created "equal". Nobody is above you...and nobody is beneath you in this life. We are all equal in God's sight (however you define Him, Her, or It)...and, as such, nobody gets to "be the boss" of someone else without a second thought. Got that? If not, give me a call. You need my help. Stat.
Just recently, I re-watched "Shopgirl" which was a movie based on a novella written by Steve Martin (the comedian who used to regularly appear on Saturday Night Live a 100 years ago). Starring Martin and Claire Danes, I added it to my list of recommended movies for clients. Why? In this movie, the story line revolves around the subject of "objectification" and what that looks like when people are dating and/or become involved with each other. At one point in the movie, Jason Schwartzman's character reads aloud from a self-help book when he tells Danes' character over the phone that he will try to stop treating her like an object and more like the human being (and equal) she really is.
In all my years of practice, this "objectification" issue is often overlooked by clients who are living it up close and personal in their own lives. Many times, I am asked "What do you mean I treat myself and others like objects!?" O.K. Let's go there. Right now.
When you were a little kid, what was your favorite thing to grab onto and play with when you were any of the following: (1) sad, (2) bored, (3) restless, (4) anxious, (5) happy, (6) tired, (7) lonely, (8) excited, and/or (9) angry? Did I miss any feelings there? If so, feel free to think about them too in this moment.
Now...think about your answer(s) to the above-stated question. Some little kids grabbed onto a doll. Others grabbed onto a favorite stuffed animal. This list would only be limited by your imagination. Regardless if you grabbed some kind of toy or other "object" to make yourself feel "better" quickly...you may have instead chosen to grab something edible (or inedible) like candy, cookies, paste, mud...whatever! Or you may have chosen to grab onto another little kid. Like your brother or sister or the kid next door. After all, what do little kids know about the real difference(s) between objects as distractions/playthings or people as distractions/playthings? Not much.
Imagine now Victorian England in the late 19th century. There was one prostitute walking the streets for every 12 men back then. Oh geez. Think we see a trend here? One female "object" for every 12 men who wanted someone to play with or be distracted by in order to feel better fast. Are you catching my drift here? As Sherlock Holmes might say, "By jove Watson, I think you've got it!"
When we treat others like objects, we really don't care what they think.....what they feel...what their dreams are...what their sorrows have been. None of that matters. We just want to either play with them or have them play with us (however you define that!) when we feel like it. That's all. If they become boring, we can drop them like hot potatoes and find another someone (object!) to take their place. It's no big deal. Or so we believe.
When we treat ourselves like objects, a lot of our life becomes about maintaining the image or facade that'll keep us "relevant" to our fellow object seekers. Using my Victorian England example, who wants to play with a fat old hag who's past it when there's a 20-something hottie right around the next street corner? See what I mean? Either way, it's a lose-lose proposition. Treating others like objects and/or treating ourselves like objects only, in the end, leads to rivers of tears and regret.
It doesn't require a degree in sociology to understand that overcoming this otherwise very bad habit begins by understanding how we, as human beings, HAVE all been created "equal". Nobody is above you...and nobody is beneath you in this life. We are all equal in God's sight (however you define Him, Her, or It)...and, as such, nobody gets to "be the boss" of someone else without a second thought. Got that? If not, give me a call. You need my help. Stat.