One of the goals of psychotherapy is to assist clients in learning how to calm, soothe, and relax themselves in a non-harmful manner. Everyone knows it's easy enough to grab a donut, a joint, a drink, a sex partner, or a credit card in order to feel better fast. What is not so easy is to practice and develop the ability to cultivate authentic inner peace on demand without involving any addictive substances or processes. Today, I am going to suggest the 6 Foolproof Ways to Relax on Demand which may help you in accomplishing this goal for yourself---and on demand.
1. Learn how to "Square Breathe". Square breathing is a way to slow down your breathing when you feel anxious, panicked, or otherwise "overwhelmed" in the present moment. No one can breathe fewer than eight times per minute and ALSO be experiencing panic or anxiety. To square breathe, you merely close your eyes, breathe in through your nose for a count of 3, 4, or 5 (depending on your own level of breath control)..then hold your breath for a count of 3, 4, or 5.....then exhale through your mouth for a count of 3, 4, or 5...and then hold your breath again for a count of 3, 4, or 5 before breathing in through your nose for a count of 3, 4, or 5. As I type this, please be aware that if you are breathing in for a count of "3"...stick with a count of "3" throughout the rest of each square breathing cycle. What you are doing with each cycle is taking a complete breath in and out which involves (in the case of "3") a minimum of 12 seconds. Hence, when you practice square breathing based on a count of "3", you will be breathing in-and-out about 5 times per minute. Which is a good thing and will get your anxiety and panic under control within 3-5 minutes. While you are square breathing, try to find a spot where you won't be distracted by a lot of noise such as would be the case with a blaring t.v., radio, or people yakkin' in the background.
2. Get online, google "Images of Kittens" (as one example), and take 10-15 minutes to look at all the photos of kittens (or puppies, or babies, or horses, or pandas, etc.) online. It has been shown that looking at the "babies" of your choice (animal or human) instantly lifts your mood and level of inner contentment. For some I have worked with, animal memes (those photos with funny captions attached) work even better because they are designed to make one laugh. In that case, just google "Puppy Memes" or "Kitten Memes" or whatever memes to get your relax groove on.
3. Stop and think about your HALTTSS status at the present moment. Are you Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Thirsty? Tired? Sad? or Sick? You would be amazed how many of us do NOT check ourselves in this regard on a routine basis. Many times individuals with headaches will pop an Exedrine Migrane caplet without realizing that they haven't had anything much to drink all day. Dehydration is a common cause of headaches folks. You need at least six 8 oz. glasses of H20 every day; yet you would be amazed at how "little" water we drink. If you don't like "plain" water, go over to Target and check out all the "flavored" waters that have zero calories but taste good and have vitamins in them rather than chemicals. LaCroix is one great "water" brand that tastes fabulous but with zero calories and all "natural" ingredients. The point here with HALTTSS is to check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you feel lonely, call somebody or go drop in on someone. If you're tired, take a nap. Solving and subsequently dissolving your HALTTSS on a daily basis DOES work to soothe, calm, and relax you. It really does.
4. Create and make available to yourself a "list" that you will refer to and can keep at work, at your dorm, or at home (and you may make a different list for each location if you prefer!) when feeling stressed/anxious/panicked. The type(s) of list(s) you create may include any of the following: (1) a list of sayings, verses, or other inspirational "truths" that help you to calm down. If you don't have any idea of what these might be...take time to go online and find them. You can google "Spiritual sayings for inner peace", "relaxation quotes", "calm-inducing words of wisdom", etc. If what is making you anxious, by the way, has to do with a particular addiction or compulsive behavior you are working to overcome...get your "sayings" list in line with that topic if you need to. Quotes on overcoming alcoholism, sex addiction, eating disorders, gambling, codependency, etc. are all over the net. In these circumstances, just google "Affirmations about..." and fill in the rest with your topic of choice. (2) All the things you are grateful for. This list may take some time to create and complete, but even if you can think of one thing each day that you are "truly" grateful for---write it down and add to it with each day until you have your "list" of 20-30 things! (3) Copies of your favorite poems, lyrics from your favorite songs, and whatever other "verses" that work to help you get and remain at peace. One of my "old favorites" in this regard is "Blessed Are The Tears" by Bryan Duncan, a song I not only love but sang before at my church.
This suggestion (4.) can be done in the moment to help you relax on demand...or it can be done when you feel "great" so you can refer to your list(s) in the future. Either way, this suggestion works.
5. Prayer is powerful. If you are comfortable with praying on your own, do it. If you are not, call someone you trust who cares about you to do it for you over the phone. Or you can call someone and pray together about what is disturbing you. If you have never before called someone to pray for you or with you, give yourself permission to try it at least once. It works. Prayer, unlike worry, gets you somewhere. Prayer takes what is upsetting you and releases it to The Most High who hears every voice that sincerely seeks out His comfort, guidance, and direction.
6. Get moving. Physical exercise, whether it is walking around your block with your favorite music playing in your earbuds, going to a yoga class, working out hard at the gym, riding your bike in good weather, jogging, running, etc. All of these physical activities work to release the "feel good" hormones in your body and brain. You can't be highly anxious and stressed out at the same time you are breaking a sweat through exercise of any kind. Working around the inside or outside of your house also counts in this regard. Gardening, cleaning, moving furniture around, hauling and purging the junk from your basement....when you move it (meaning your body), you WILL lose it (your anxiety and stress)!
There are many other recommendations regarding relaxing on demand, but this is a good start. Some individuals find that they do need more help because their anxiety has been a constant companion for more months or years than they care to remember. Conditions such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Panic Disorder with or without Agoraphobia are more serious than the run-of-the-mill anxiety we all face at some time or another in life. If you have been diagnosed or suspect you may struggle with more than actual life event-driven anxiety, do not be afraid to contact a licensed professional psychotherapist for assistance. Like me.
1. Learn how to "Square Breathe". Square breathing is a way to slow down your breathing when you feel anxious, panicked, or otherwise "overwhelmed" in the present moment. No one can breathe fewer than eight times per minute and ALSO be experiencing panic or anxiety. To square breathe, you merely close your eyes, breathe in through your nose for a count of 3, 4, or 5 (depending on your own level of breath control)..then hold your breath for a count of 3, 4, or 5.....then exhale through your mouth for a count of 3, 4, or 5...and then hold your breath again for a count of 3, 4, or 5 before breathing in through your nose for a count of 3, 4, or 5. As I type this, please be aware that if you are breathing in for a count of "3"...stick with a count of "3" throughout the rest of each square breathing cycle. What you are doing with each cycle is taking a complete breath in and out which involves (in the case of "3") a minimum of 12 seconds. Hence, when you practice square breathing based on a count of "3", you will be breathing in-and-out about 5 times per minute. Which is a good thing and will get your anxiety and panic under control within 3-5 minutes. While you are square breathing, try to find a spot where you won't be distracted by a lot of noise such as would be the case with a blaring t.v., radio, or people yakkin' in the background.
2. Get online, google "Images of Kittens" (as one example), and take 10-15 minutes to look at all the photos of kittens (or puppies, or babies, or horses, or pandas, etc.) online. It has been shown that looking at the "babies" of your choice (animal or human) instantly lifts your mood and level of inner contentment. For some I have worked with, animal memes (those photos with funny captions attached) work even better because they are designed to make one laugh. In that case, just google "Puppy Memes" or "Kitten Memes" or whatever memes to get your relax groove on.
3. Stop and think about your HALTTSS status at the present moment. Are you Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Thirsty? Tired? Sad? or Sick? You would be amazed how many of us do NOT check ourselves in this regard on a routine basis. Many times individuals with headaches will pop an Exedrine Migrane caplet without realizing that they haven't had anything much to drink all day. Dehydration is a common cause of headaches folks. You need at least six 8 oz. glasses of H20 every day; yet you would be amazed at how "little" water we drink. If you don't like "plain" water, go over to Target and check out all the "flavored" waters that have zero calories but taste good and have vitamins in them rather than chemicals. LaCroix is one great "water" brand that tastes fabulous but with zero calories and all "natural" ingredients. The point here with HALTTSS is to check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you feel lonely, call somebody or go drop in on someone. If you're tired, take a nap. Solving and subsequently dissolving your HALTTSS on a daily basis DOES work to soothe, calm, and relax you. It really does.
4. Create and make available to yourself a "list" that you will refer to and can keep at work, at your dorm, or at home (and you may make a different list for each location if you prefer!) when feeling stressed/anxious/panicked. The type(s) of list(s) you create may include any of the following: (1) a list of sayings, verses, or other inspirational "truths" that help you to calm down. If you don't have any idea of what these might be...take time to go online and find them. You can google "Spiritual sayings for inner peace", "relaxation quotes", "calm-inducing words of wisdom", etc. If what is making you anxious, by the way, has to do with a particular addiction or compulsive behavior you are working to overcome...get your "sayings" list in line with that topic if you need to. Quotes on overcoming alcoholism, sex addiction, eating disorders, gambling, codependency, etc. are all over the net. In these circumstances, just google "Affirmations about..." and fill in the rest with your topic of choice. (2) All the things you are grateful for. This list may take some time to create and complete, but even if you can think of one thing each day that you are "truly" grateful for---write it down and add to it with each day until you have your "list" of 20-30 things! (3) Copies of your favorite poems, lyrics from your favorite songs, and whatever other "verses" that work to help you get and remain at peace. One of my "old favorites" in this regard is "Blessed Are The Tears" by Bryan Duncan, a song I not only love but sang before at my church.
This suggestion (4.) can be done in the moment to help you relax on demand...or it can be done when you feel "great" so you can refer to your list(s) in the future. Either way, this suggestion works.
5. Prayer is powerful. If you are comfortable with praying on your own, do it. If you are not, call someone you trust who cares about you to do it for you over the phone. Or you can call someone and pray together about what is disturbing you. If you have never before called someone to pray for you or with you, give yourself permission to try it at least once. It works. Prayer, unlike worry, gets you somewhere. Prayer takes what is upsetting you and releases it to The Most High who hears every voice that sincerely seeks out His comfort, guidance, and direction.
6. Get moving. Physical exercise, whether it is walking around your block with your favorite music playing in your earbuds, going to a yoga class, working out hard at the gym, riding your bike in good weather, jogging, running, etc. All of these physical activities work to release the "feel good" hormones in your body and brain. You can't be highly anxious and stressed out at the same time you are breaking a sweat through exercise of any kind. Working around the inside or outside of your house also counts in this regard. Gardening, cleaning, moving furniture around, hauling and purging the junk from your basement....when you move it (meaning your body), you WILL lose it (your anxiety and stress)!
There are many other recommendations regarding relaxing on demand, but this is a good start. Some individuals find that they do need more help because their anxiety has been a constant companion for more months or years than they care to remember. Conditions such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Panic Disorder with or without Agoraphobia are more serious than the run-of-the-mill anxiety we all face at some time or another in life. If you have been diagnosed or suspect you may struggle with more than actual life event-driven anxiety, do not be afraid to contact a licensed professional psychotherapist for assistance. Like me.