If all the world is a stage, then we are one hell of an acting troupe! One of the very first posts I had written stated my own belief that planet earth was the psychiatric unit of the universe. So if we truly are actors on this stage called "life on earth"...then is it any wonder how we can get caught up in the fine art of re-enacting our same old scripts when we don't have any new material to work with? I'm just sayin....
Re-enactments. Besides the fact that we are creatures of habit, we are also creatures who keep repeating our same old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving with others. We don't know what we don't know except for these same old "scripts" we keep referring to in our own minds as we walk through our days, weeks, months, and years. Discovering and understanding how our scripts got there and who put them there is another part of the healing and recovery process; one of the reasons why looking back at the past can be an important part of the psychotherapeutic process. If everything we go through has a lesson attached, how are we going to flip our own inner scripts if we don't even recognize what those lessons are from our past? I'm just sayin....
There's a certain way we think, feel, and behave when we meet or initially interact with people we hope to impress. (Let yourself think about that one as you have your lunch today!) Then there's another certain way we think, feel, and behave when we meet or intially interact with people who hope to impress us. Listen, this isn't rocket science folks. How we are on any given day has a lot to do with our own inner script(s) we use and have relied on for years that keep playin' themselves out in our own heads---and in our own lives.
Let's take a look at Phillip. Phillip is a man who has, on the surface, always been a "flirt" with women. The reason why Phillip sought out psychotherapy was because he scared himself by having "feelings" for one of his younger female cousins whom he helped to raise. When Phillip's wife heard Phillip speaking inappropriately and publicly to his own cousin for the fifth or sixth time, she was the one who demanded that Phillip "go see someone and straighten yourself out!" Phillip is in his late 60's; Phillip's female cousin is 42.
Through therapy, Phillip recognized how he has a very difficult time treating women as equals. His own mother had a 25-year long affair with a neighbor while Phillip was growing up. In spite of Phillip's father being right there and sharing the same household with his wife and son, Philip's father remained silent about this particular issue. Phillip learned from his mother's own inner script that people are merely objects to be exploited so long as the exploiter's needs are being satisfactorily met. He learned from his father that anything could be avoided if you practiced at it long enough.
With Philip, he translated everything he witnessed about "love" during his childhood into his present lifestyle's choices. For one thing, he had an ongoing need to prove to himself (and to the women he met) that he was attractive to them. Phillip's interpretation of "attractive" means that he himself would think and feel that the woman he is meeting and/or speaking to "wants" him in some capacity. Grant it, Phillip isn't truly interested in getting to know and understand ANY woman very deeply, other than as a potential conquest who "wants" him when all is said and done. This is one of the running inner scripts in Phillip's own mind that he has re-enacted for not just years---but decades---in his "interactions" with women.
Funny though how Phillip doesn't re-enact this dynamic with women his own age or with women he perceives as "too smart for me". Phillip, in a word, is extremely transparent. He wants to think and feel "wanted" by women as much as humanly possible. If Phillip were truly an actor or celebrity in Hollyweird, he'd be Rudolph Valentino---or he'd be Ron Jeremy (a past-it male porn star). Very sad. Phillip wouldn't even be able to count the number of times he has re-enacted this dynamic in his "experiences" with women from the time he was just a kid. And yes, before you wonder, Phillip has had a string of one-night stands with a variety of women over the course of his forty-year marriage. Hence, the Ron Jeremy reference. Phillip figured that since he never got to "know" any of his own sexual conquests, it really didn't count as "having an affair" like his mother did for 25 years' worth.
I have had many clients over the years who have re-enacted how they are in life with me in the therapeutic setting. This is part of how the therapeutic process works. I get to witness what my clients think, say, and do au natural when they are authentically stressed out...when they feel vulnerable...when they are angry. Basically I see the nature and extent of any given inner "script" they possess in their minds and hearts. My job is to help them notice what they are doing in their own attempts at acting and re-enacting specific types of situations and circumstances to satisfy whatever need(s) they have within themselves.
I know this may sound a bit too deep for some to digest, but it is what it is. We call it transference when it goes on between a client towards their psychotherapist. And, when a therapist plays back his or her own "real" reactions to client transference, we call that counter-transference. Oh by the way, psychotherapists who consistently avoid noticing their own counter-transference are at risk of crossing the line with one or more of their clients. We have all heard the horror stories of psychotherapists who ended up dating and then marrying past or present clients....exploiting clients for personal gain....or even hiring clients to do their dirty work out in the world. I know of one situation where the therapist was conducting marital therapy for a couple---hooked up with the husband behind his wife's back---then took off to another state far far away to start over their lives as the "new" man and wife. And no, she isn't a practicing psychotherapist anymore---but a very successful public speaker who jumped fields fasterthanyoucanreadthissentence. Go figure.
As you can see, as far as this re-enacting dynamic goes: it can happen to anyone at anytime and anywhere. So perhaps the time is now to think about what internal scripts you are re-enacting in your own life repeatedly---and why. And when you are ready to consider flipping your inner scripts to create a healthier and more functional "you"....consider giving me a call.
Until next time....
Re-enactments. Besides the fact that we are creatures of habit, we are also creatures who keep repeating our same old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving with others. We don't know what we don't know except for these same old "scripts" we keep referring to in our own minds as we walk through our days, weeks, months, and years. Discovering and understanding how our scripts got there and who put them there is another part of the healing and recovery process; one of the reasons why looking back at the past can be an important part of the psychotherapeutic process. If everything we go through has a lesson attached, how are we going to flip our own inner scripts if we don't even recognize what those lessons are from our past? I'm just sayin....
There's a certain way we think, feel, and behave when we meet or initially interact with people we hope to impress. (Let yourself think about that one as you have your lunch today!) Then there's another certain way we think, feel, and behave when we meet or intially interact with people who hope to impress us. Listen, this isn't rocket science folks. How we are on any given day has a lot to do with our own inner script(s) we use and have relied on for years that keep playin' themselves out in our own heads---and in our own lives.
Let's take a look at Phillip. Phillip is a man who has, on the surface, always been a "flirt" with women. The reason why Phillip sought out psychotherapy was because he scared himself by having "feelings" for one of his younger female cousins whom he helped to raise. When Phillip's wife heard Phillip speaking inappropriately and publicly to his own cousin for the fifth or sixth time, she was the one who demanded that Phillip "go see someone and straighten yourself out!" Phillip is in his late 60's; Phillip's female cousin is 42.
Through therapy, Phillip recognized how he has a very difficult time treating women as equals. His own mother had a 25-year long affair with a neighbor while Phillip was growing up. In spite of Phillip's father being right there and sharing the same household with his wife and son, Philip's father remained silent about this particular issue. Phillip learned from his mother's own inner script that people are merely objects to be exploited so long as the exploiter's needs are being satisfactorily met. He learned from his father that anything could be avoided if you practiced at it long enough.
With Philip, he translated everything he witnessed about "love" during his childhood into his present lifestyle's choices. For one thing, he had an ongoing need to prove to himself (and to the women he met) that he was attractive to them. Phillip's interpretation of "attractive" means that he himself would think and feel that the woman he is meeting and/or speaking to "wants" him in some capacity. Grant it, Phillip isn't truly interested in getting to know and understand ANY woman very deeply, other than as a potential conquest who "wants" him when all is said and done. This is one of the running inner scripts in Phillip's own mind that he has re-enacted for not just years---but decades---in his "interactions" with women.
Funny though how Phillip doesn't re-enact this dynamic with women his own age or with women he perceives as "too smart for me". Phillip, in a word, is extremely transparent. He wants to think and feel "wanted" by women as much as humanly possible. If Phillip were truly an actor or celebrity in Hollyweird, he'd be Rudolph Valentino---or he'd be Ron Jeremy (a past-it male porn star). Very sad. Phillip wouldn't even be able to count the number of times he has re-enacted this dynamic in his "experiences" with women from the time he was just a kid. And yes, before you wonder, Phillip has had a string of one-night stands with a variety of women over the course of his forty-year marriage. Hence, the Ron Jeremy reference. Phillip figured that since he never got to "know" any of his own sexual conquests, it really didn't count as "having an affair" like his mother did for 25 years' worth.
I have had many clients over the years who have re-enacted how they are in life with me in the therapeutic setting. This is part of how the therapeutic process works. I get to witness what my clients think, say, and do au natural when they are authentically stressed out...when they feel vulnerable...when they are angry. Basically I see the nature and extent of any given inner "script" they possess in their minds and hearts. My job is to help them notice what they are doing in their own attempts at acting and re-enacting specific types of situations and circumstances to satisfy whatever need(s) they have within themselves.
I know this may sound a bit too deep for some to digest, but it is what it is. We call it transference when it goes on between a client towards their psychotherapist. And, when a therapist plays back his or her own "real" reactions to client transference, we call that counter-transference. Oh by the way, psychotherapists who consistently avoid noticing their own counter-transference are at risk of crossing the line with one or more of their clients. We have all heard the horror stories of psychotherapists who ended up dating and then marrying past or present clients....exploiting clients for personal gain....or even hiring clients to do their dirty work out in the world. I know of one situation where the therapist was conducting marital therapy for a couple---hooked up with the husband behind his wife's back---then took off to another state far far away to start over their lives as the "new" man and wife. And no, she isn't a practicing psychotherapist anymore---but a very successful public speaker who jumped fields fasterthanyoucanreadthissentence. Go figure.
As you can see, as far as this re-enacting dynamic goes: it can happen to anyone at anytime and anywhere. So perhaps the time is now to think about what internal scripts you are re-enacting in your own life repeatedly---and why. And when you are ready to consider flipping your inner scripts to create a healthier and more functional "you"....consider giving me a call.
Until next time....