"To be broken is no reason to see all things as broken." Mark Nepo, author and featured guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday" made this comment when I was watching the other day. It caused Oprah to cry---and I mean really cry. As Oprah attempted to compose herself, I kept thinking about how sad it is when we don't fully understand the meaning of Nepo's remark. Today's blog post is my attempt to dig deep into this issue of broken-ness and why, indeed, to be broken IS no reason to see all things as broken....
Inanimate objects break constantly. Depending on the fragility/stability of the item to begin with, the job of repairing that item when broken might occur quite easily----or can't ever possibly occur, period. I am reminded of the "Growing Up Girls" figurines I began buying for our daughter when she was born. I've accidently dropped so many of them over the years, one would think I needed them locked up rather than displayed openly. Yet...every time one of those figurines broke, it was very easy to seamlessly fit the broken piece(s) back to where it originally belonged. (Amazing what gorilla glue can do!) On the other hand, dropping a piece of fine crystal on a cement floor---whole other story. Once something is shattered into a million little pieces, no amount of gorilla glue or anything else is going to get it back together again.
We, as people, can be a lot like inanimate objects. Robin Williams is a good example. As a celebrated comedian and actor beloved by all for what seemed like forever---he turned out to be a lot more fragile than he himself or anyone else believed. When he broke this last time, he let us all know there was no way anything or anyone was going to help put him back together again. In his case, he was not only broken...but DID see all things as broken too. Without true hope for his own future, he made a moment's decision leading to a lifetime of tragic consequence for those who loved him and were left behind. I don't think Williams thought about all of the statistics which demonstrate the influence and impact a celebrity suicide has on others who will follow suit ("If he did it, then I can too..") I don't think Williams thought about the immeasurable pain he would cause his children and extended family which would last up until the time of their own deaths. I don't think Williams thought about much else in those moments before he hung himself other than feeling very broken---and seeing all else around him as ultimately broken as well.
Conversely, I am reminded of every survivor, both famous and anonymous, who have not allowed their experiences with feeling broken to break them completely. There are millions of us who live every day with mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, major depression, and psychosis who choose live in hope rather than in despair. There are millions of us who have survived horrific trauma and abuse and who have also chosen to live in hope rather than in despair. This is not rocket science. To be broken and to see all things as broken is to insult all that is good, right, true, and beautiful in this world---and in people. Such a mindset additionally communicates to the world, "It really IS all about me and you (all) failed me!" Wow. What a message to stay stuck in...and/or kill oneself over.
I don't mean to simplify all else that goes into the transformation from broken status to recovery status in any of our lives. Yet, it all begins with finding and discovering our source(s) of authentic hope. All the best doctors, self-help groups, books, and techniques don't mean diddly squat if one is blinded by one's own darkest shadow...and darkest thoughts.
All things are not broken just because we feel broken when we do. If this were true, humanity would extinguish itself pretty quickly. Our problem is that when we refuse to extend our own arms out to ask for and receive real help when needed, we also reject the very principles that make true recovery and healing possible: humility and gratitude. Does real healing occur after 7 or 77 or 777 attempts at it? I don't know. Neither do you.
Being broken doesn't signal the end of things; in fact, it signals a new chance to make positive changes that fuel long-term healing and recovery. Of course I am tremendously sad that Robin Williams and the others who went before him chose to do what they did to "solve" their problem of broken-ness. It takes true courage to live and push past broken when we experience it. It also takes real insight to understand how being broken is no reason to see all things as broken too....
Inanimate objects break constantly. Depending on the fragility/stability of the item to begin with, the job of repairing that item when broken might occur quite easily----or can't ever possibly occur, period. I am reminded of the "Growing Up Girls" figurines I began buying for our daughter when she was born. I've accidently dropped so many of them over the years, one would think I needed them locked up rather than displayed openly. Yet...every time one of those figurines broke, it was very easy to seamlessly fit the broken piece(s) back to where it originally belonged. (Amazing what gorilla glue can do!) On the other hand, dropping a piece of fine crystal on a cement floor---whole other story. Once something is shattered into a million little pieces, no amount of gorilla glue or anything else is going to get it back together again.
We, as people, can be a lot like inanimate objects. Robin Williams is a good example. As a celebrated comedian and actor beloved by all for what seemed like forever---he turned out to be a lot more fragile than he himself or anyone else believed. When he broke this last time, he let us all know there was no way anything or anyone was going to help put him back together again. In his case, he was not only broken...but DID see all things as broken too. Without true hope for his own future, he made a moment's decision leading to a lifetime of tragic consequence for those who loved him and were left behind. I don't think Williams thought about all of the statistics which demonstrate the influence and impact a celebrity suicide has on others who will follow suit ("If he did it, then I can too..") I don't think Williams thought about the immeasurable pain he would cause his children and extended family which would last up until the time of their own deaths. I don't think Williams thought about much else in those moments before he hung himself other than feeling very broken---and seeing all else around him as ultimately broken as well.
Conversely, I am reminded of every survivor, both famous and anonymous, who have not allowed their experiences with feeling broken to break them completely. There are millions of us who live every day with mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, major depression, and psychosis who choose live in hope rather than in despair. There are millions of us who have survived horrific trauma and abuse and who have also chosen to live in hope rather than in despair. This is not rocket science. To be broken and to see all things as broken is to insult all that is good, right, true, and beautiful in this world---and in people. Such a mindset additionally communicates to the world, "It really IS all about me and you (all) failed me!" Wow. What a message to stay stuck in...and/or kill oneself over.
I don't mean to simplify all else that goes into the transformation from broken status to recovery status in any of our lives. Yet, it all begins with finding and discovering our source(s) of authentic hope. All the best doctors, self-help groups, books, and techniques don't mean diddly squat if one is blinded by one's own darkest shadow...and darkest thoughts.
All things are not broken just because we feel broken when we do. If this were true, humanity would extinguish itself pretty quickly. Our problem is that when we refuse to extend our own arms out to ask for and receive real help when needed, we also reject the very principles that make true recovery and healing possible: humility and gratitude. Does real healing occur after 7 or 77 or 777 attempts at it? I don't know. Neither do you.
Being broken doesn't signal the end of things; in fact, it signals a new chance to make positive changes that fuel long-term healing and recovery. Of course I am tremendously sad that Robin Williams and the others who went before him chose to do what they did to "solve" their problem of broken-ness. It takes true courage to live and push past broken when we experience it. It also takes real insight to understand how being broken is no reason to see all things as broken too....