Last post, I presented the first 10 of 25 signs which identify emotional maturity. Here are 11-25:
11. Doing good deeds even when there is nothing in it for you.
To give without expectation...to give without strings...this isn't as easy as it looks. Even for people who are consummate "givers"---their collective motive is to obtain your (1) approval, (2) acceptance,and (3) love. Yes, even the greatest givers in your family---among your friends, neighbors, or co-workers all have this as their primary agenda. What's the harm in it? The harm is that giving doesn't count when we expect something in return, even when that "return" we expect is to be "favored" as a result of our giving. And what happens to givers who don't get what they expect from the people they give to? They get angry, they get resentful, and they get bitter over time. Learn to give freely and without expectation..then you'll be practicing emotional maturity with a capital "EM"!
12. Respecting another's point of view, beliefs, and way of life without judgment. Not insisting you are right, belittling another, or using profanity or violence to get your point across.
To be more invested in being "right"..that's arrogance. To be more invested in what's "right"...that's humility. Period. At the end of the day we are all just trying to walk each other home. We don't have to be clanging gongs or blaring horns in order to comfortably express our opinions, attitudes, or beliefs to another person. When we feel ourselves getting defensive or all worked up over something someone else says...all we have to do is practice the following: "That's an interesting point you make. I don't happen to share it...but I appreciate your perspective."
13. Sharing your good fortune with others.
Emotional maturity means never having to say your sorry for how you have been blessed. That's the first thing. It's o.k. to speak out loud about how God has been working in your life and in the lives of others around you. Sharing may also take the form of literally helping those who are unable to help themselves as you are led to do so. Sometimes that sharing takes the form of a listening ear....or time spent just "being" together. Not all sharing has to be material in nature. Sharing cheerfully and without expectations attached is always a blessing that runs in both directions...
14. Being able to turn the other cheek without wishing harm on another.
Okay. I didn't say some of these signs of emotional maturity were going to be easy. This is a hard one. Especially when some idiot tailgates you as you are yourself going five miles over the posted speed limit on a two lane road. Some people are just "impaired" (for lack of a better way of putting it). They don't get reality all that well. They are difficult...they are abrasive...they are ignorant...and they are self-righteous oh what a combo! Instead of calling them every name but a human being, just try breathing more deeply as a start. Remember Stop! Relax! Think! Act! ? This would be a great time to put that into practice.
15. Thinking before acting and having good manners, not going off half-cocked, lashing out, or being rude.
Yep, it's true. When we can truly learn to think before we act (or speak)...we'll be more emotionally mature for it. It is easy to act stupid, inappropriate, or abusively. It just is. Perhaps imagining that a small child is holding our hand as we are tempted to flip out at somebody else may help (?) Just like the new Trump commercials with all the children watching t.v. as he addresses our nation.
16. Encouraging and being supportive of others.
The only potential good we can accomplish in another's life is to encourage, inspire, and/or possibly motivate him/her/them as a general rule. Nobody can "make" another person conform to their will. When we practice being encouraging and supportive....we must not forget to graciously include the truth as part of that mix. The truth without encouragement is like a bullhorn...encouragement without the truth is like a license to keep on acting as goofy as you wanna be without limits attached.
17. Finding joy in the success of someone else, not envy or criticism.
To accept another's success with humility and grace is a gift to the both of you. Practice it. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the joy that bounces back at you for doing so.
18. Knowing there is always room to grow and improve...and reaching out for help.
Nobody is the be-all-end-all "I'm done working on me!" person in this life or universe. We are ALL of us works in progress until the day we die. Anyone who thinks or would tell you otherwise is, in a word, arrogant. (And also delusional if you need a second word to add to that!)
19. Having humility and laughing at yourself.
Humility reminds us that we are not alone because we ALL make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Trying to be perfect is the perfect way to screw up our lives and our relationships over the long haul. We must do our excellent best each and every day...but with a servant's heart attached to our efforts.
20. Recognizing that which does not work in our life and making an effort to do something different.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. Drugs and alcohol don't work. Stealing, lying, cheating...just to name a few. They don't work either. Whatever it is you do that is preventing you from having a life where you can support yourself financially, take care of yourself on a daily basis, sleep peacefully at night, take care of that which you are responsible for (pets, kids, your home, your car, etc.)...time to dump the junk so to speak. Nobody can straddle the fence of an outwardly appearing "normal" life and that of a (insert alternate lifestyle choice(s) here). Emotional maturity is "pick one" (the right choice(s)!) and stick with it/them.
21. Passing up instant gratification in favor of long term benefits.
Good luck in this culture with this sign, but it's still so very true. We live in an instant world. Food instantly, and not just food---whatever food you desire from thought to mouth within minutes! Thank you fast food chains for the extra 10-50 lbs. we all wear just because you exist to the extent you do in Western society! I thought I heard it all when McDonald's first opened up in Russia so many years ago; then I realized what a schmuck I was perpetuating the madness this very day because I was starving and wanted to eat RIGHT NOW! UGH! (Though I did get the fish sandwich I'm just sayin'!)
22. Accepting, liking, and loving yourself: not needing someone else to "complete" you.
The day codependency is eradicated from humanity as a lifestyle choice, this goal will be accomplished. In the meantime, we are stuck struggling with this because it is SO easy to just give ourselves over to that someone else we "pick" as our so-called soulmate. Sometimes we pick a good enough partner; that's more rare than not in a society where our current divorce rate for first time marriages hovers around 60%. Without the ability to authentically love and accept ourselves, we are doomed to believe the lie that it's someone else's job to make us feel and be "okay".
23. Standing up for fairness and justice for yourself and others and choosing to do the right thing.
Choosing to do the wrong thing is often the easier thing to do. It just is. We need to challenge ourselves by doing what is right...even when it is highly uncomfortable. I had to tell a mother yelling at her kid today in TJ Maxx to please stop and think about where she was. Just saying that to her shut her up momentarily; me being me though had to add the following: "You know your little girl is going to grow up one day and if she remembers experiences like this more than anything else, she won't be picking you a decent nursing home!" Yes, I do roll that way I can't help it. ;-)
24. Making sacrifices for the good of others without resentment.
Loving sacrifice without anger, resentment, or bitterness attached is a beautiful thing. Because it means you could give without being traumatically bonded to it by virtue of your own selfish expectations that weren't met.
25. Not clinging to materialistic items or bragging.
I ran into someone today while I was out. I do love this person. I truly do. But this person has a habit of pretty much dumping how great his life is each and every time we see one another. "I just got back from.." "I just saw..." "I am doing this next month.." Alright already. Again, I'm glad he has #13 above down pat with the sharing thing....but there's a fine line between sharing and bragging. Check yourself before you wreck yourself is my adage. It's easy to get too all-consumed by our "stuff" when our stuff feels good, looks good, or IS actually good in the eyes of the world. Remember, there is no U-Haul attached to any hearse in this life. Whatever we got or get or have...it's all going to go away anyway one day.
Now that's emotional maturity for you!
Have a fab week!
11. Doing good deeds even when there is nothing in it for you.
To give without expectation...to give without strings...this isn't as easy as it looks. Even for people who are consummate "givers"---their collective motive is to obtain your (1) approval, (2) acceptance,and (3) love. Yes, even the greatest givers in your family---among your friends, neighbors, or co-workers all have this as their primary agenda. What's the harm in it? The harm is that giving doesn't count when we expect something in return, even when that "return" we expect is to be "favored" as a result of our giving. And what happens to givers who don't get what they expect from the people they give to? They get angry, they get resentful, and they get bitter over time. Learn to give freely and without expectation..then you'll be practicing emotional maturity with a capital "EM"!
12. Respecting another's point of view, beliefs, and way of life without judgment. Not insisting you are right, belittling another, or using profanity or violence to get your point across.
To be more invested in being "right"..that's arrogance. To be more invested in what's "right"...that's humility. Period. At the end of the day we are all just trying to walk each other home. We don't have to be clanging gongs or blaring horns in order to comfortably express our opinions, attitudes, or beliefs to another person. When we feel ourselves getting defensive or all worked up over something someone else says...all we have to do is practice the following: "That's an interesting point you make. I don't happen to share it...but I appreciate your perspective."
13. Sharing your good fortune with others.
Emotional maturity means never having to say your sorry for how you have been blessed. That's the first thing. It's o.k. to speak out loud about how God has been working in your life and in the lives of others around you. Sharing may also take the form of literally helping those who are unable to help themselves as you are led to do so. Sometimes that sharing takes the form of a listening ear....or time spent just "being" together. Not all sharing has to be material in nature. Sharing cheerfully and without expectations attached is always a blessing that runs in both directions...
14. Being able to turn the other cheek without wishing harm on another.
Okay. I didn't say some of these signs of emotional maturity were going to be easy. This is a hard one. Especially when some idiot tailgates you as you are yourself going five miles over the posted speed limit on a two lane road. Some people are just "impaired" (for lack of a better way of putting it). They don't get reality all that well. They are difficult...they are abrasive...they are ignorant...and they are self-righteous oh what a combo! Instead of calling them every name but a human being, just try breathing more deeply as a start. Remember Stop! Relax! Think! Act! ? This would be a great time to put that into practice.
15. Thinking before acting and having good manners, not going off half-cocked, lashing out, or being rude.
Yep, it's true. When we can truly learn to think before we act (or speak)...we'll be more emotionally mature for it. It is easy to act stupid, inappropriate, or abusively. It just is. Perhaps imagining that a small child is holding our hand as we are tempted to flip out at somebody else may help (?) Just like the new Trump commercials with all the children watching t.v. as he addresses our nation.
16. Encouraging and being supportive of others.
The only potential good we can accomplish in another's life is to encourage, inspire, and/or possibly motivate him/her/them as a general rule. Nobody can "make" another person conform to their will. When we practice being encouraging and supportive....we must not forget to graciously include the truth as part of that mix. The truth without encouragement is like a bullhorn...encouragement without the truth is like a license to keep on acting as goofy as you wanna be without limits attached.
17. Finding joy in the success of someone else, not envy or criticism.
To accept another's success with humility and grace is a gift to the both of you. Practice it. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the joy that bounces back at you for doing so.
18. Knowing there is always room to grow and improve...and reaching out for help.
Nobody is the be-all-end-all "I'm done working on me!" person in this life or universe. We are ALL of us works in progress until the day we die. Anyone who thinks or would tell you otherwise is, in a word, arrogant. (And also delusional if you need a second word to add to that!)
19. Having humility and laughing at yourself.
Humility reminds us that we are not alone because we ALL make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Trying to be perfect is the perfect way to screw up our lives and our relationships over the long haul. We must do our excellent best each and every day...but with a servant's heart attached to our efforts.
20. Recognizing that which does not work in our life and making an effort to do something different.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. Drugs and alcohol don't work. Stealing, lying, cheating...just to name a few. They don't work either. Whatever it is you do that is preventing you from having a life where you can support yourself financially, take care of yourself on a daily basis, sleep peacefully at night, take care of that which you are responsible for (pets, kids, your home, your car, etc.)...time to dump the junk so to speak. Nobody can straddle the fence of an outwardly appearing "normal" life and that of a (insert alternate lifestyle choice(s) here). Emotional maturity is "pick one" (the right choice(s)!) and stick with it/them.
21. Passing up instant gratification in favor of long term benefits.
Good luck in this culture with this sign, but it's still so very true. We live in an instant world. Food instantly, and not just food---whatever food you desire from thought to mouth within minutes! Thank you fast food chains for the extra 10-50 lbs. we all wear just because you exist to the extent you do in Western society! I thought I heard it all when McDonald's first opened up in Russia so many years ago; then I realized what a schmuck I was perpetuating the madness this very day because I was starving and wanted to eat RIGHT NOW! UGH! (Though I did get the fish sandwich I'm just sayin'!)
22. Accepting, liking, and loving yourself: not needing someone else to "complete" you.
The day codependency is eradicated from humanity as a lifestyle choice, this goal will be accomplished. In the meantime, we are stuck struggling with this because it is SO easy to just give ourselves over to that someone else we "pick" as our so-called soulmate. Sometimes we pick a good enough partner; that's more rare than not in a society where our current divorce rate for first time marriages hovers around 60%. Without the ability to authentically love and accept ourselves, we are doomed to believe the lie that it's someone else's job to make us feel and be "okay".
23. Standing up for fairness and justice for yourself and others and choosing to do the right thing.
Choosing to do the wrong thing is often the easier thing to do. It just is. We need to challenge ourselves by doing what is right...even when it is highly uncomfortable. I had to tell a mother yelling at her kid today in TJ Maxx to please stop and think about where she was. Just saying that to her shut her up momentarily; me being me though had to add the following: "You know your little girl is going to grow up one day and if she remembers experiences like this more than anything else, she won't be picking you a decent nursing home!" Yes, I do roll that way I can't help it. ;-)
24. Making sacrifices for the good of others without resentment.
Loving sacrifice without anger, resentment, or bitterness attached is a beautiful thing. Because it means you could give without being traumatically bonded to it by virtue of your own selfish expectations that weren't met.
25. Not clinging to materialistic items or bragging.
I ran into someone today while I was out. I do love this person. I truly do. But this person has a habit of pretty much dumping how great his life is each and every time we see one another. "I just got back from.." "I just saw..." "I am doing this next month.." Alright already. Again, I'm glad he has #13 above down pat with the sharing thing....but there's a fine line between sharing and bragging. Check yourself before you wreck yourself is my adage. It's easy to get too all-consumed by our "stuff" when our stuff feels good, looks good, or IS actually good in the eyes of the world. Remember, there is no U-Haul attached to any hearse in this life. Whatever we got or get or have...it's all going to go away anyway one day.
Now that's emotional maturity for you!
Have a fab week!