Today is the first day of Spring. Yesterday I noticed a full moon when driving back to work. Here we go! For the uninitiated, Spring represents that time of year when the hormones of humanity begin to wake up after their long winter's nap. And what does THAT mean? It means that for many of us, we feel the fever of our need for stimulation. Call it what you will; Spring fever = adrenaline rushing on demand for many of us who seek such stimulation. The problem arises when we are (a) not consciously aware of our present state of mind in this regard and (b) we are willing to obtain that adrenaline rush at a price above rubies.
The things we do and the relationships we allow in order to feel that "rush" of adrenaline when we seek it is often lost to us. "Why do I stay with him when he's so unpredictable and can be so mean?", asked someone recently. Well, when love-bombing gets mixed up with accusatory rants, sudden disappearances (perhaps for days), and returns home with champagne and flowers---what would you do? Yes, being with a Cluster B'er can be like that; these are the dramatic and erratic folks among us who know how to charm just as effortlessly as they know how to cut very deep. It is never easy to be with a man or a woman who can take you to the highest of high places emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically...but can also throw you into the sh** without blinking. Such unpredictability affects not only the amount and frequency with which the adrenaline in our bodies is released; it also affects the ways in which our brain functions. Kind of like classical conditioning with Pavlov's dogs. You hear him or her coming in through the front door---and you start to salivate! Ultimately, our complicated relationships and the adrenaline rushes that accompany them will no doubt harm us more than they help us. We become less and less focused on our own self-care...and more and more focused on "Where's Waldo?" (Or Joe, or Jill, or Fred!) God help us if minor children are involved in this hot mess; all they learn is that nothing and nobody else matters but making sure that (insert name of person here!) is here...and is being "good" today. (How freaking sad is that I ask you?!)
If you are in a complicated relationship, if you are involved with a person who treats you like you don't matter (because you don't!) at times....believe that person. He or she has other higher priorities than your relationship with one another, and your mutual personal happiness. If you need the stimulation of an adrenaline rush, consider taking up some hobbies or interests that will give you that same degree of "rush" on demand without hurting you or your kids (if you have them). Who knows what will work for you; everybody is different. I'd never sky dive, but I know people who would and do. I'd never bungee jump, but I'll zip line anytime. Camp Dearborn (Milford MI) opened MI's longest zip line just this past year; you can bet I'll be there when it reopens later this Spring. Whatever it is you can do to stimulate yourself and your central nervous system that is NOT harmful to you emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically---go ahead. Do it. It beats being in a dysfunctional relationship that has the high potential to transform YOU and/or your kids into people you don't recognize months or years from now....
Having said all this, emphasize the messages presented here by 10,000,000 if that "person" in your life who is so unpredictable is also an active addict. Why? Because when you combine an active addiction with a personality disorder and/or major mental illness (like an undiagnosed and untreated major mood disorder)….the sh** will fly! Now you have what we call a dual-diagnosis situation; the person is not only addicted to "whatever"...but also struggling with mental illness. This isn't good. For all the ??? out there about mental health in recent years "Why did this happen?" "How could he/she/they have..???" Very easily actually. When someone becomes more invested in getting what they want on demand, their empathy and compassion for others goes down the toilet. It's that simple. The truth also goes down, as the lies increase. Ultimately, the person you "thought" you knew back when you first met---he or she is gone. Their illness/addiction and desired lifestyle has taken over. Read the memo. Believe what you see. Walk away before the worst happens.
Yes, I'm known for my bluntness. But I'm also not naïve to the game. I grew up in an environment where evil was present...and I smelled its breath on many more than one occasion. I think one problem we have in our culture is we don't want to believe what is true about evil...and how any of us can evolve into evil people over time. Even Hitler, after all, gave great parties.
Think about what you have been willing to do to experience that adrenaline rush in your life and personal relationships. It's one thing to stimulate yourself in a healthy-enough way that won't hurt anyone else (including you!); it's quite another when you volunteer yourself or your family to be thrown under someone else's Mack truck of dysfunction...
Until next time.
The things we do and the relationships we allow in order to feel that "rush" of adrenaline when we seek it is often lost to us. "Why do I stay with him when he's so unpredictable and can be so mean?", asked someone recently. Well, when love-bombing gets mixed up with accusatory rants, sudden disappearances (perhaps for days), and returns home with champagne and flowers---what would you do? Yes, being with a Cluster B'er can be like that; these are the dramatic and erratic folks among us who know how to charm just as effortlessly as they know how to cut very deep. It is never easy to be with a man or a woman who can take you to the highest of high places emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically...but can also throw you into the sh** without blinking. Such unpredictability affects not only the amount and frequency with which the adrenaline in our bodies is released; it also affects the ways in which our brain functions. Kind of like classical conditioning with Pavlov's dogs. You hear him or her coming in through the front door---and you start to salivate! Ultimately, our complicated relationships and the adrenaline rushes that accompany them will no doubt harm us more than they help us. We become less and less focused on our own self-care...and more and more focused on "Where's Waldo?" (Or Joe, or Jill, or Fred!) God help us if minor children are involved in this hot mess; all they learn is that nothing and nobody else matters but making sure that (insert name of person here!) is here...and is being "good" today. (How freaking sad is that I ask you?!)
If you are in a complicated relationship, if you are involved with a person who treats you like you don't matter (because you don't!) at times....believe that person. He or she has other higher priorities than your relationship with one another, and your mutual personal happiness. If you need the stimulation of an adrenaline rush, consider taking up some hobbies or interests that will give you that same degree of "rush" on demand without hurting you or your kids (if you have them). Who knows what will work for you; everybody is different. I'd never sky dive, but I know people who would and do. I'd never bungee jump, but I'll zip line anytime. Camp Dearborn (Milford MI) opened MI's longest zip line just this past year; you can bet I'll be there when it reopens later this Spring. Whatever it is you can do to stimulate yourself and your central nervous system that is NOT harmful to you emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically---go ahead. Do it. It beats being in a dysfunctional relationship that has the high potential to transform YOU and/or your kids into people you don't recognize months or years from now....
Having said all this, emphasize the messages presented here by 10,000,000 if that "person" in your life who is so unpredictable is also an active addict. Why? Because when you combine an active addiction with a personality disorder and/or major mental illness (like an undiagnosed and untreated major mood disorder)….the sh** will fly! Now you have what we call a dual-diagnosis situation; the person is not only addicted to "whatever"...but also struggling with mental illness. This isn't good. For all the ??? out there about mental health in recent years "Why did this happen?" "How could he/she/they have..???" Very easily actually. When someone becomes more invested in getting what they want on demand, their empathy and compassion for others goes down the toilet. It's that simple. The truth also goes down, as the lies increase. Ultimately, the person you "thought" you knew back when you first met---he or she is gone. Their illness/addiction and desired lifestyle has taken over. Read the memo. Believe what you see. Walk away before the worst happens.
Yes, I'm known for my bluntness. But I'm also not naïve to the game. I grew up in an environment where evil was present...and I smelled its breath on many more than one occasion. I think one problem we have in our culture is we don't want to believe what is true about evil...and how any of us can evolve into evil people over time. Even Hitler, after all, gave great parties.
Think about what you have been willing to do to experience that adrenaline rush in your life and personal relationships. It's one thing to stimulate yourself in a healthy-enough way that won't hurt anyone else (including you!); it's quite another when you volunteer yourself or your family to be thrown under someone else's Mack truck of dysfunction...
Until next time.