Couldn't help myself; sorry! I just had too much more to say on this topic of how we twist reality when we want to feel better (about ourselves, about someone else, about some "thing" outside of ourselves, etc.). And please don't get this twisted; the narratives we fabricate can be extremely negative in nature because "that" is what works in the moment to make us feel better! "I can't....I am not able to....I don't have the strength..." (blah-de-blah blah!) Avoiding personal responsibility(s) because we can is one narrative that has supported many lifetimes' worth of "I can't...but you can on my behalf o.k.?!" Spare me. Time to drag out the sidewalk chalk! If you want to believe you are THE "V"-word Victim of your own life and circumstances...so you shall be! Your narratives will be filled with reasons why you didn't couldn't wouldn't and but but but but but....because THAT'S how victims roll!
Along with this "V" Victim status is its twin sister the "M"-word Martyr. How do the two go together like hand-in-a-glove when it comes to the personal narratives we fabricate? Well, think about it! Martyrs are locked into saving, fixing, and rescuing "certain" people of their own choosing. If Martyrs had only one sentence to speak while they were alive on this planet, this would be their sentence: "YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME!" Yep, that'd be it! UNlike the martyrs of Biblical times who sacrificed themselves in the name of God, today's martyrs sacrifice themselves in the name of their OWN pride, arrogance, and ego. Sad, but true! Therefore, when a Martyr is unable to accomplish what he or she set out to do in the name of fixing, saving, and/or rescuing the person of their choosing (this week, this month, this year, and/or in this lifetime!)...they get UPSET!!! Martyrs, in this moment, can easily transform into V-word Victim status! Why? Well, how would YOU feel if you poured yourself into someone else's life to "try" to encourage, inspire, and motivate them---and he/she/they basically showed you (through their own chosen behaviors!) "No thanks! Not interested in changing the way you want me to!". As a Martyr, would this type of revelation make you want to get up and dance a jig? I don't think so! It would, instead dear Martyr, make you want to sit down and cry your eyeballs out...feel depressed...feel powerless....feel helpless...and feel like you were an idiot for ever engaging in "stupid rescuing" like that with (insert name of target "cause" person here). Yep, victim status and martyr status are like the Siamese twins of dysfunctional codependent giving gone way wrong.
Fabricating negative narratives when speaking of someone else who "hurt" us in this way...well, perhaps now you can see why feeling better or feeling good about ourselves can very often be at the expense of someone else who we believe "hurt" us by not complying with our demands and expectations we placed on them. We do it often enough to one another (often without realizing) because that's how deep the roots of dysfunctional codependent relationships run throughout the tapestry of human existence!
Here's an example: "I feel guilty because if my parents ever found out.......they'd disown me for real and for good." And?? What's so bad about being disowned when you are perfectly capable of creating your own good enough life if you have a brain and body that works well enough to allow you to support yourself financially? Watch Nick Vujicic's testimony on youtube if you don't think "you" can be in charge of your own life financially...or in any other way that fully-responsible adults function. Vujicic, an American-Australian evangelist (and a cousin of mine somewhere up our shared family tree) was born without arms or legs. What were you born without? And?? What were you born WITH; how about focusing on this question instead? There are NO excuses, except for those who choose to drown themselves in them! No matter what you are afraid of....living in that fear is what will ultimately ruin you if you let it!
Fabricating truth instead of living in it; it's a huge issue for us and our country right now. 2020 is the year everyone on planet earth would rather give back, but we can't. We have to rally...we have to rise up...and we have to consider "the other guy" and not just ourselves and our own under-responsible and/or irresponsible way(s) of doing things. You do matter...but I do also. We are all equals, not objects. If you want to wear a face mask, socially distance, and keep your hands clean....go for it. But if you don't....don't be a hypocrite and go into a public building wearing a mask---and then remove it as soon as you're in. Or wear it "half mast" with your nose sticking out; would you wear your underpants like that? Seems silly now, doesn't it?
Someone I know who was a huge anti-COVID "It's all b.s.!" kinda person died recently. Yes, from COVID. It was an ugly death and journey for this person; a person who never believed in traditional medicine to the point of fanatic status. This person's narrative was consistently filled with edicts like any and all vaccines are poison....everything can be treated and cured using holistic medicine.....any American made and manufactured prescription drugs cannot be trusted, etc. etc. That narrative serves no useful purpose now in the lives of his family members left behind.
Arrogance and pride....versus humility. Isn't that what this all boils down to? When we are most focused on being right, we are being arrogant and pride-filled. (And our personal narratives will have so many twists and turns, it'll look like a Pirate's map!) Yet when we are most focused on what's right, we are being humble. Be humble always. Be a student of life and all the valuable lessons we can draw from it. When we think we do know better than anyone else, we really are functioning as captains of our own sinking ship (of false reality).
Stay safe and healthy. Until next post....