My only sibling and brother was addicted to both alcohol and street drugs. I've shared his story before; he started dabbling with beer and marijuana when he was in the 7th grade. By the time he had turned 18, he had lost his driver's license....was living off our parents in their home....had no "real" job except for selling marijuana out of his upstairs bedroom....and had been involved in more than a few "near miss" incidents where his own life was spared.
By the time he was 25...more of the same, although he never was able to acquire or keep a full-time job in legitimate society, in spite of being a high school graduate.
By age 57....he was dead from a fentanyl overdose. He never did have a "real" job, opting out for SSDI and the associated benefits that he received in his 40s for being diagnosed bipolar. What he used to do was sell his Bridge card for cash in order to buy street drugs, while scoring free food from local food pantries. Gleaners was one of his favorite haunts. I remember being told how he also scored a new stove for he and his roommate at no cost to either of them.
But I digress. The weed that cost my brother his life was scored from a "friend". I wouldn't doubt if the "friend" just gave it to him. That's how my brother rolled. Don't pay for anything unless you absolutely have to. Maybe this "friend" fronted him one too many times and got sick of it. Who knows? All I know is that my brother lived one hell of a hard life by his own choice. He could have received proper treatment for his bipolar disorder; instead, he chose to go the drunk and/or high route instead. His toxicology report indicated he was drunk, by the way, when he smoked that weed which killed him.
Have you ever thought about your own conversations with someone you love and care about who is also an active addict? Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. I know that for all the conversations I TRIED to have with my brother since he was in 7th grade....nothing soaked in and stuck with him. How could it? He was addicted. He was delusional. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. He was mentally ill. And he was a liar. He recoiled from ANY genuine relationship with any-body. The LAST thing he wanted was to be authentically understood....OR to understand ANYONE! He didn't have time for that sh**! To be emotionally and/or spiritually vulnerable like that...forget it! He wanted to be in control of each and every narrative he participated in! And what was the theme of his ongoing narrative? "Give me what I want...and nobody will get hurt." Until the next time, that is. Such a foolish way to squander one's life, no kidding!
Addicts are notorious for their lying, their manipulations, and their attempts at gaslighting their "targets" to do whatever it is they want from them. Usually, primarily, it's for money when their own money runs out. What addict who doesn't even have a job or is floundering his or her way through high school or college off mommy or daddy's $$$ DOES NOT WANT MO' MONEY?! Sheesh! This isn't rocket science! I remember buying my brother the motherlode of clothing from various stores when he turned 21. I remember taking the time to buy him pants, shirts, jackets, and sweaters so he would "look nice" wherever he went. Fat lot of good that did me or him. According to our mother, as soon as he got his gifts from me, he took everything back to the stores for---you guessed it---the $$$! Then he took off for Vegas (of all places!) in our parent's car (stolen by the way!) and used the refund money to purchase the gas to get there and back! What. The. Hell?! He rarely made any sense. He was following his own deluded script no doubt inspired by a manic episode gone viral before viral was even invented.
Anyone who has an addict in their closet understands this. Addicts don't care about being appropriately responsible for their own lives. Their lives are truly reduced down to authentically caring about just one thing: FEELING GOOD ON DEMAND! If they get to feel powerful and get to avoid personal responsibility in the process of chasing after that pleasure of the moment---it's all bonus for them!
Grant it, the above example focuses on those addicts who act and then re-enact a major "failure to launch" syndrome ...that can literally last for as long as they live. Others who are addicted, they may have graduated college and have successful-enough careers, but they keep spreading their misery and discontent around like COVID-19 because they don't care about the pain they cause others; they only care about their OWN pain and how to eliminate it!
Addicts lie. If their lips are moving, they are lying. Addicts manipulate, or at least attempt to do so. If their lips are moving, they are manipulating. Addicts are also toxically codependent. If they are in a "close" relationship, it is a toxic codependent relationship. What parasite can survive without a "host" body to live off of? Yep, that's what it is like for the active addict and his or her chosen codependent "host"/"giver"/ATM machine of choice. No active addict is capable of loving sacrifice or giving to others WITHOUT any expectations attached! They are always working their own agendas. Give me give me give me...and then *$)@ you too. When you scratch the paint off of an addict, there is a toxic codependent underneath.
Addicts also believe they know everything, and everyone else is just plain dumb in comparison. Pay attention to what the active addict in your own life accuses you of, harshly judges you for, talks in circles about, interrupts you about, blames you for, blames the world for, carries on about like capital "V" victim, attempts to shame you about, and THEN proclaims/begs/asks/screams/cries/pleads for whatever they want from you today. Once the spewing is over, there's always the hook: "give me XXXXX now!"
If ever there was a time to remember something to keep your own mind straight when an active addict targets you, remember this: you are wasting your time attempting to talk sense into someone who is MORE invested in manipulating, misunderstanding, AND misrepresenting you!
Conversations with an active addict don't go well and only lead to more drama, crisis, and chaos. You can stop the madness, but it will require pulling your head out first...so you CAN see the daylight!
Until next post...