Last post, I introduced readers to the VEAPs among us. Today's blog post presents how we can best manage ourselves in spite of any VEAP encounters we experience at home, work, school, or pretty much anywhere we are! ;-)
Since nobody has the power to change anyone else but themselves, we need to remember this second noble truth when we are engaged in any kind of challenging discussion which would require Discussion-Understanding-Negotiation-Compromise in order to achieve a mutually-satisfactory outcome!
As I have mentioned in previous posts, nobody gets anywhere by following the Order-Comply-or There Will be Blood strategy for successful and emotionally intimate relationships! VEAPs tend to forget this too easily otherwise they wouldn't have morphed into VEAPs in the first place!
When we have fallen into the trap of treating ourselves like we are consistently "beneath" or "not as good as" or "not as smart as" the OTHER person (OP) we are talking to/involved with/encountering....why do we wonder when we feel intimidated by what they say or do? If we are all supposed to be EQUAL to one another, why are we so quick to lie down and roll over when someone says anything which instantly causes us to feel FEARFUL, ANGRY, and/or CONFUSED about what we just witnessed?! Come on people! You don't have to start freaking out and crying or screaming or dissociating (shutting down) in an inappropriate manner just because some VEAP surprised you with their unexpected onslaught of verbal and emotional drama!
Here are some great one liners to start practicing (as responses!) when you find yourself in this position of experiencing unexpected and unwanted verbal and emotional abuse by the VEAP in your life and presence:
"Are you attempting to hurt/intimadate/frighten/control/ me right now, or are you just not thinking?"
"I hear you, but I have no idea why you are bringing this subject up right now. Surely there is another time and place to discuss this rather than right here right now."
"Your anxiety over this issue isn't my problem because it doesn't make me similarly anxious. Just to clarify."
"I understand you are neurodivergent, but that doesn't make me or anyone else not like you an enemy."
"Last time I checked, you aren't a major or minor deity in my life or book. Just to remind you."
"Your arrogance and pride are showing. Just so you are a bit more self aware in this moment after saying what you did just now."
"Please don't involve me in any plans where my money or time or energies are required to help you get whatever it is you want. No thanks."
"I regret that you feel that way since it is extremely disappointing for me to hear it."
"When you genuinely believe that you can convince me to think and believe like you yourself do, you understand how disrespectful that is to me, correct?"
"When you are clearly more interested in arguing with me than you are in undertanding me, I can see how misrepresenting me is something you are highly invested in."
"It's not my fault that you don't like what I believe, think, or feel. I have a right to my own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in case you forgot we were all created equal in God's sight."
"If you want to argue, I know a bar down the street that would be happy to have you join. But my home in this situation is not it...just a reminder."
"I don't know who you are mistaking me for right now by having said that to me, but I am NOT him/her/them."
"When you say things like that to me you are making VERY clear who "you" are, not who I am. Just so you understand that."
"To assume I am more like you than not, represents a huge error in judgment on your part, just saying."
"If you want something from me, you can just ask me. Yet please don't expect to trick me into some kind of compliance because you don't know how to be more assertive about asking outright for what you want from me."
"If you are disappointed or upset with me personally, you're much better off just explaining to me why so I can understand...instead of engaging in these mental gymnastics that only serve to confuse the both of us."
"I don't know what you want from me right now, but based on how you are behaving...I'm not interested in giving it to you."
....and that's just for starters, so start practicing when the VEAP in your life goes postal on you!
Until next post! ;-)