Anyone who has read my blog may have noticed the sidelined commentary about "What Would Be Your Sentence?" When I first came up with that one many MANY years ago...I was amazed how many clients had no idea what their sentence would actually be. When this occurs, that signals to me how these individuals have one or more issues to do with their own ability to effectively communicate.
After all, if we don't know enough about "who" we are exactly...how can we expect to impart this vitally important information to others in a comfortable and concise manner? We can't, that how! Today's blog post is about learning how to find yourself in the midst of your life, regardless of how good or bad, busy or dead, depressing or exciting you believe your own real life actually is!
So, before you continue to read today's post, go back and read "What Would Be Your Sentence?" appearing just to the right of this very page! ;-)
Well....did you figure out what your sentence would be? Why or why not? If you felt more confused by my request than anything else...that tells me that you think too much about what other's think. That's it. Bottom line. Yes, you may have undiagnosed and untreated ADHD, OCD, PTSD, and whatever other label you want to potentially attach to yourself...but I'm cutting through the muck here just for you today! You THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER'S THINK!
That's how it is with "confusion". We can't decide what it is we need to say or do in order to self-advocate in a timely, clearly understood, and comfortable manner! And if I am worrying more about what YOU think, how am I going to clarify for myself exactly what I think? You follow me? I hope so! Anybody can learn to say what they mean, mean what they say, and not say it mean to the right person at the right time. Yet when we are so easily "confused" by what others ask us or say to us, we DO have a problem with thinking too much about what other's think!
If you felt more "shocked" by my request than anything else, that tells me that you think too much about "imagined" fear(s) and, as a result, attach too much "worry" to your mental plate of incoming thoughts and associated feelings. After all, think about that! Why is asking a question of any kind going to instantly throw a person into a feeling of shock? No question need ever be too shocking! Unless someone said to me, "Answer me NOW or I will chop your head off!", I am NOT shocked by what anyone asks me o.k.? Being too easily shocked speaks to the issue of anxiety which, by definition, is "Imagined Fear + Worry = Anxiety". Now think about that!
Lastly, what if you felt instantly "angry" by my request? Anger signifies a short and recent (and/or long and unending!) history with being a true victim of real or imagined true injustice. Why else would we be able to becom angry so quickly? Nothing and nobody has that power, unless our difficult and/or traumatic past remains unresolved and rampant triggers mess with our present-day lives!? Think about that for more than a minute if you can! I know I have triggered individuals for the negative just because I am tall and with a deep voice as a female therapist! DOH! That's unresolved anger talking when that happens just sayin'!
It is true that we all get to choose how much truth we can stand. If you feel instantly confused, shocked, or angry by what is said or asked of you directly...you really DO need to look at "why" that keeps happening! As you can see, the answers are presented here for your consideration in today's post!
It isn't magic that will get you better in terms of improving your communication skills. It isn't calling the psychic hotline to have Madam Boulsheet tell you exactly what you want to hear. Neither is it about any other ritualistic behavior that you believe will clear out the bad energy from your life.
It's about facing your own uncomfortable realities and doing your work to function as a more effective communicator with EVERY-one! Not just some, but EVERY-ONE!
Call me. I can help you. I hate witnessing people continuing to re-abuse and/or neglect themselves in the name of confusion, shock, and anger creeping into their own communication style!
Until, next post....