Decades ago, there was a book literally entitled "Trances People Live". At the time, I had no idea what the heck that was supposed to mean, but I got the book anyway. Since then, I have to wonder how many books need to be written and published until humanity understands that the TRUTH of our lives and how we most commonly mentally cope with past trauma has been presented to us repeatedly throughout our lives---and centuries for that matter!
Being in a "trance" by the way is what we now refer to as a "dissociative episode". I've written about this before in past blog posts, but it's when we can just "check out" mentally and instantly whenever and wherever we are. We all did it as kids in the classroom; this is NOT an unfamiliar experience for any human being. As the most common form of "checking out" from reality on demand, nothing beats a dissociative episode on demand! Trauma history aside, dissociating is a go-to strategy when we don't want to be experiencing the "now" moments of our own lives.
Dissociative episodes, or "the trances people live", are used as a coping tool when we don't want to be present mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually in our own present moments. When people get good at dissociation-on-demand, they can literally lose chunks of time (and therefore memory!) as to "what happened" around them while they were dissociating. As such, when we dissociate often enough, is it any wonder how we end up "not remembering" much of certain chunks from our past?
Common sense, right? If my mind is somewhere else even though my body is right here and right now...how can I be aware of both my current mental AND physical reality at the same time? I cannot. This is why so many of us report to each other, "I don't remember much about my life between the ages of blah-and-blah." "I can't remember anything before I was adopted." "I don't know what happened. She was fine and the next thing I know she was dead."
Yeah, it can be like that too. Even perpetrators of violent crimes have an end-point as to what they "remember" about the crimes they commit . "I don't know what happened, but I know I DIDN'T DO IT!" Okay then! That is how it can be with dissociation and the trances we live. We are "there" doing whatever it is we are doing, but we are "not there" at the very same time. Ask anyone who has been a victim of a violent crime. They will NOT say to you, "Oh yes, and then we started talking about my job as he was choking the life out of me..." No, it doesn't go down like that. What we who have worked with both criminals and victims alike most often hear is along the lines of, "She wasn't looking at me, but past me as she pointed the gun at me." "It was like he was a robot or something. No eye contact, nothing." "He was attacking me, but he never said a word the whole time like he was somewhere else." Yep, that's right. A trance. That about sums it up.
Dissociation is not unlike denial in that it was initially designed as a shock absorber for the soul. I don't know about you, but I sure wouldn't want to be "present" mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically as someone is hurting me in ways I NEVER want to remember down the road! For example, when I work with clients going through difficult divorces, I often hear, "I don't know!" "I don't remember!" "Why are you asking me so many questions?" I understand these responses, but the clients often do not. Nobody wants to have to dredge back up from the pit memories of incidents they'd much rather forget for the rest of their natural lives. However, when dissociation and dissociative episodes becomes a lifestyle, our lives do get reduced down to...the trances we live.
Getting help and getting better is possible. Of course it is. Instead of dissociating-on-demand as a lifestyle, we can truly reintegrate ourselves into real life and right now experiences, no matter how challenging they may be, without living in a constant state of imagined fear + worry combined. After all, isn't it that imagined fear which drives this train of dissociation as a go-to coping tool? That and other executive function deficits, I should clarify! (Things such as undiagnosed and untreated ADHD as the #1 "complicating factor" which makes dissociation more of a trusted friend than adversary!) Also, since we are primarily codependent as people anyway, who doesn't want to avoid personal responsibility when the opportunity exists to do so? Isn't it much easier to just dissociate and live in our trance states than actually face our genuine problem(s) and then do the right thing(s) to solve them? Yes, it is! Avoiding personal responsibility is what consistently leads us to the "easier" way out from under those rocks we find ourselves being suffocated by!
The book, though now over 30 years old, is as relevant today as it was then. Entitled "Trances People Live" by Dr. Stephen Wolinsky, it is available at most public libraries.