We are all the sole authors of our own "Book of My Life". Today represents the first entry in your own 2020 edition. Make it a good enough one. You have that power through your own power of choice. Nobody is a prisoner of their past or present problems. Nothing that has happened to you represents a life sentence. Our past and present experiences represent a series of either blessings...or lessons. Have you been grateful for the blessings? Have you learned the lessons? Let's hope so. Without recognizing them, we are pretty much doomed to view our life and what we experience as more hopeless than hopeful JUST SAYIN'! Living in a perpetual state of "life sentence" status means that we have given up our power to make positive changes in spite of what we have been through historically...or are going through right now.
This week after Christmas has been a sh** show at work. No kidding. People are hurting and want to feel better. I am grateful they come to see me instead of drinking or smoking or engaging in other harmful behaviors that only add fuel to their pre-existing internal fire. Grant it, I'm no magician....but I am a truth seeker and speaker. As my gift to you in 2020, I'm going to provide here the "list" of the Top Five Dysfunctions that keep people from moving past their past...and improving the quality of their own lives. You're welcome.
1. Living in the Codependent Trap Lifestyle
Global culture is codependent by nature. Everybody is so busy either doing for everybody else or taking from everybody else...that we have forgotten how to properly and consistently care for ourselves with proper limits attached! We are ALL givers and takers by nature. This is what codependency boils down to. We give...and we take...and we take..and we give without thinking twice about our "true" motives for our giving---and for our taking. But we also struggle with chronic feelings of hurt, anger, guilt, loneliness, and shame. Why? Because when we "give" and expect acceptance, approval, and "love" back---and we don't get it---we get pissed off! And when we "take" and expect to feel powerful, pleasure, and avoid personal responsibility back---and don't get that---we get pissed again! Hello! These are the motives why codependent givers give as they do...and why codependent takers take as they do. And we are BOTH givers and takers depending on the day, the week, our mood, and "who" we are with to give to and/or take from. Period.
We are not objects as people. We are equals. We don't "do" our relationships well if we see ourselves and other people are mere objects to use...or be used by. This "eat" or "be eaten" mentality is why there are so many of us hating our lives and hating other people because we don't know what the alternative healthier lifestyle is. It's called "Interdependence" by the way! If all relationships are merely about who gave more---or less---or who took more---or less from others, no wonder there are so many miserable people in the world! And please DO NOT confuse this with "giving" in the spiritual context of the word. Spiritually speaking, we are to give when we give WITHOUT expectations attached. Did you miss that memo? Expecting approval, acceptance, and love as a result of your giving is NOT the right motive for giving! No wonder there are so many resentful and bitter parents, grandparents, adult children, and kids on this planet! The codependent mind sent has taught us that "giving" is supposed to reap certain rewards that we want and expect! Stop expecting so much and start treating yourself and others as equals with mutual respect and HONEST communication as your focus. Without it, you are doomed! No kidding! For the codependent taker within each of us, if you can do it yourself, why the "f" would you insist on making someone else "do" it for you? Oh yeah, that's right---so you can feel powerful, feel pleasure, and avoiding doing what you should have done yourself in the first place! DOH! Stop it and grow up how about that? And as a cap to this topic of the codependent lifestyle trap, think about this. Codependent givers teach codependent takers fundamental incompetence! "You can't live without me and here's why..." Meanwhile, codependent takers teach codependent givers "I can't live without you and here's why..." Jesus Mary and Joseph STOP! No wonder we are all so flippin' cuckoo! How about letting the real "g" word be the boss of you in your life (meaning God as you perceive Him!) as opposed to flip flopping between you are God one day...and someone else you choose is your God the next day. It's madness! Stop with the madness will ya?
2. Living in Denial
Nobody is spared this dysfunctional pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We are all in denial about something....many times about our own character defects. One of the "big three" character defects we are in most denial about has to do with the extent to which a person truly lacks empathy and compassion. It is extremely and I do mean EXTREMELY difficult for us to believe that someone we love and/or care about "just doesn't care" about other people. Yeah, well...that would be called lacking empathy and compassion. And if the person here also engages in behaviors that harm others in order to get what they want from others...now we are speaking about authentically "evil" behavior. Well...what am I saying. We can be in denial about the existence of evil behavior as well! Why not? Easier to pretend it doesn't exist than to have to face it for many of us! Relating to what I just wrote about with the codependent trap lifestyle, these are the "toxic" codependent takers among us who lack true empathy and compassion. Think about THAT! They are so invested in feeling powerful, in feeling pleasure, and in avoiding personal responsibility (blaming everyone else but themselves for what's "happened" to them)---that they really do NOT give two craps about you or what you think, feel, or need pretty much ever. Truth!
I just saw some random woman on Dr. Phil last night who was saying "I am a good mother.." as Dr. Phil presented all the evidence of her "mothering" successes as same related to her five children. The only thing that was missing from Dr. Phil's list was literal murder being committed by one of those five kids. Clearly, even when the facts are presented to show what is true, it is still very easy to deny that evidence...and believe what we choose to believe about ourselves---or someone else.
As one of the foundational pillars of dysfunctional thinking, feeling, and behaving...when we lack empathy and compassion, we can truly function as a one man or one woman holocaust in our own lives and in the lives of our so-called loved ones. Get help if this is your own issue and/or you are intimately involved with this type of person.
Next post, the remaining three Top Five Dysfunctions that prevent us from improving the quality of our own lives in 2020...
This week after Christmas has been a sh** show at work. No kidding. People are hurting and want to feel better. I am grateful they come to see me instead of drinking or smoking or engaging in other harmful behaviors that only add fuel to their pre-existing internal fire. Grant it, I'm no magician....but I am a truth seeker and speaker. As my gift to you in 2020, I'm going to provide here the "list" of the Top Five Dysfunctions that keep people from moving past their past...and improving the quality of their own lives. You're welcome.
1. Living in the Codependent Trap Lifestyle
Global culture is codependent by nature. Everybody is so busy either doing for everybody else or taking from everybody else...that we have forgotten how to properly and consistently care for ourselves with proper limits attached! We are ALL givers and takers by nature. This is what codependency boils down to. We give...and we take...and we take..and we give without thinking twice about our "true" motives for our giving---and for our taking. But we also struggle with chronic feelings of hurt, anger, guilt, loneliness, and shame. Why? Because when we "give" and expect acceptance, approval, and "love" back---and we don't get it---we get pissed off! And when we "take" and expect to feel powerful, pleasure, and avoid personal responsibility back---and don't get that---we get pissed again! Hello! These are the motives why codependent givers give as they do...and why codependent takers take as they do. And we are BOTH givers and takers depending on the day, the week, our mood, and "who" we are with to give to and/or take from. Period.
We are not objects as people. We are equals. We don't "do" our relationships well if we see ourselves and other people are mere objects to use...or be used by. This "eat" or "be eaten" mentality is why there are so many of us hating our lives and hating other people because we don't know what the alternative healthier lifestyle is. It's called "Interdependence" by the way! If all relationships are merely about who gave more---or less---or who took more---or less from others, no wonder there are so many miserable people in the world! And please DO NOT confuse this with "giving" in the spiritual context of the word. Spiritually speaking, we are to give when we give WITHOUT expectations attached. Did you miss that memo? Expecting approval, acceptance, and love as a result of your giving is NOT the right motive for giving! No wonder there are so many resentful and bitter parents, grandparents, adult children, and kids on this planet! The codependent mind sent has taught us that "giving" is supposed to reap certain rewards that we want and expect! Stop expecting so much and start treating yourself and others as equals with mutual respect and HONEST communication as your focus. Without it, you are doomed! No kidding! For the codependent taker within each of us, if you can do it yourself, why the "f" would you insist on making someone else "do" it for you? Oh yeah, that's right---so you can feel powerful, feel pleasure, and avoiding doing what you should have done yourself in the first place! DOH! Stop it and grow up how about that? And as a cap to this topic of the codependent lifestyle trap, think about this. Codependent givers teach codependent takers fundamental incompetence! "You can't live without me and here's why..." Meanwhile, codependent takers teach codependent givers "I can't live without you and here's why..." Jesus Mary and Joseph STOP! No wonder we are all so flippin' cuckoo! How about letting the real "g" word be the boss of you in your life (meaning God as you perceive Him!) as opposed to flip flopping between you are God one day...and someone else you choose is your God the next day. It's madness! Stop with the madness will ya?
2. Living in Denial
Nobody is spared this dysfunctional pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We are all in denial about something....many times about our own character defects. One of the "big three" character defects we are in most denial about has to do with the extent to which a person truly lacks empathy and compassion. It is extremely and I do mean EXTREMELY difficult for us to believe that someone we love and/or care about "just doesn't care" about other people. Yeah, well...that would be called lacking empathy and compassion. And if the person here also engages in behaviors that harm others in order to get what they want from others...now we are speaking about authentically "evil" behavior. Well...what am I saying. We can be in denial about the existence of evil behavior as well! Why not? Easier to pretend it doesn't exist than to have to face it for many of us! Relating to what I just wrote about with the codependent trap lifestyle, these are the "toxic" codependent takers among us who lack true empathy and compassion. Think about THAT! They are so invested in feeling powerful, in feeling pleasure, and in avoiding personal responsibility (blaming everyone else but themselves for what's "happened" to them)---that they really do NOT give two craps about you or what you think, feel, or need pretty much ever. Truth!
I just saw some random woman on Dr. Phil last night who was saying "I am a good mother.." as Dr. Phil presented all the evidence of her "mothering" successes as same related to her five children. The only thing that was missing from Dr. Phil's list was literal murder being committed by one of those five kids. Clearly, even when the facts are presented to show what is true, it is still very easy to deny that evidence...and believe what we choose to believe about ourselves---or someone else.
As one of the foundational pillars of dysfunctional thinking, feeling, and behaving...when we lack empathy and compassion, we can truly function as a one man or one woman holocaust in our own lives and in the lives of our so-called loved ones. Get help if this is your own issue and/or you are intimately involved with this type of person.
Next post, the remaining three Top Five Dysfunctions that prevent us from improving the quality of our own lives in 2020...